dealing with disphoric days

Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty dealing with disphoric days

Post  Abby on Mon Jul 09, 2018 6:28 am

What do people do to deal with highly disphoric days? Normally (since starting hrt) I am generally ok with the occasional day of feeling highly conected to my body . Other days feeling detached, and very wrong with the strong urge to cut off offending dangley parts, or to peel off my skin to reveal the girl beneath and to be physically desired. It is not as bad as it was before coming out and living full time and with hrt. But my mood is affecting my partner as she does not know what to do to help me and I worried that it's making it harder for her as she deals with all this as she works out her sexualitie. Counciing has helped but only one more session left before having to reapply, with the 6 month wait. (Still faster than waiting for the GIC, if there's any thing left of the NHS after brexit, still looking at 2020.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
Abby
Abby

Posts : 109
Join date : 2018-05-19
Location : south of the original Manchester!

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Guest on Mon Jul 09, 2018 9:42 am

Abby, I can relate to what I've come to call "man days" (My equivalent of a "fat day". God help me if I feel both fat and masculine on any given day!)

Unlike you, I had dysphoria kicking into warp drive once I transitioned. I suppose it's because my appearance and sense of identity are now in the foreground, psychologically speaking.

Make-up used to be a quick fixer-upper but that doesn't really work anymore. Dollying up my hair still works, but I suppose it will go the same way.

ON THE OTHER HAND - your hrt will start doing AMAZING things to your face, skin and body shape. This is by way of saying that your dysphoria will start to lessen in time.

In the beginning, whenever I looked in the mirror, the person staring back in the mirror was the ubiquitous guy in a dress. That is now gone! The other day, I dressed in one of my old boy shirts and jeans - and it looked like a girl in boy's clothes.

I'm now six months in - and you will have even better results!

Hang in there, babe.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Lesley Niyori on Mon Jul 09, 2018 11:41 am

Being that I am post-op and can see the matter from the perspective of someone that has benefited from the more significant physiological impacts, I STILL find myself frequently dealing with psychological evolutions.

I was married 27 years, and the marriage was effectively dead in 2001 long before the divorce made it official. But it was doomed on the day we said our vows too (I just had no way of knowing). Because the person I am, who wasn't the person I was at the time, was not a lesbian. Nor was the ex.

The more comfortable I become with being me, the more it is plain I'd have rather spent my life as me, and married to a man.

My dysphoria mainly seems to be driven by psychological impacts which are not really physiologically dependent. Although I'm damned glad I have a nice facial complexion to work with. I've seen some transgender females that live inside of bodies that simply have massive cosmetically challenged appearances only a man wouldn't give a damn about. Every time I meet a transgender woman that has a great complexion I tend to mention to her "don't sweat it dear, you have a great canvas to paint on."

But some days I find myself reading a romance novel, and I simply start crying, because I can't figure out how to find my 'happily ever after'. Some days, while reading a romance novel, it clarifies why I think the way I do, and I feel better understanding myself a bit more.

It's the same with appearance. My current hairstyle was an accident. I didn't aim for this look, I stumbled onto it with a friends help. She just fiddled with my hair one day, and sort of 'found' me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
Lesley Niyori
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 652
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 57
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Abby on Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:32 pm

Its the way that the disporia changes and washes backwards and forwards on cycles and triggers that is just wearing me out. Even on the days were every thing is brilliant, i look in the mirror and see female. Feel total connected to my body, fully fitted to my shell, even if under the cloths is padding and silicon chicken fillets. (slowly growing my own....) song in my heart and just generally top of the world. Totally Happy for once and feel, this is good this is me, why did I wait so long? then the mental cascades start off, getting depressed at wasted time, that this in-between stage would have been over a long time ago and the years of depression and dark thoughts would not have happened. Which leads on to feeling physical wrong wanting to peel skin away to release the inner girl. Yet that makes me feel guilty as what i have gained by waiting (partner and child) is what i have always wanted and why I chose not to start back then (coin toss as well if I remember right) and that so far every thing is good is showing me it was right that I did not start to transition nearly 20 years ago, and that I would not be the girl I am now if I did transition back then. Therapy is helping with all this, and dwelling on things which I can not change is not healthy ether. I just need to stop the self destructive thought patterns and focus on what I have and the future, rather than getting envious of the young and pretty on the train to work.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
Abby
Abby

Posts : 109
Join date : 2018-05-19
Location : south of the original Manchester!

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Guest on Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:57 am

Try and separate the oranges and apples, Abs.

That's by way of saying that you should attempt to distinguish between your dysphoria proper, and the generalised anxiety you feel with regards to your life's standing and future trajectory.

Everyone suffers from the latter, whether you're trans or not. But, we tend to latch onto general problems as being symptomatic of our most fiddled-with internal tropes - in our case, being trans.

In other words, we stack unrelated things on top of trans dysphoria by falsely correlating them, and then can't solve the emotional fallout because it's a tangled spaghetti mess. Try and figure out whether your emotional distress at any point is really dysphoria, or is it something you're giving that label in order for it to have a handle?

If you separate the apples and oranges, the components are better defined and easier to work through.

I sit in the same boat as you... Late to the party and regretful about the whatifs and mighthavebeens. I look on the bright side, though. Transitioning later in life is a stellar, monumental feat. It requires an ego death that is forever denied those who are fortunate to transition young.

Yes, their physical results are much better, but like youth is wasted on the young, so it too is wasted on them young 'uns. You are in a special position to appreciate exactly what it means to break free from a cage that, by its sheer age, knows all your tricks and knows exactly how to ensnare you when you're vulnerable.

There are many battles, many of which you will lose. There is, however, only one war, and you're still kicking.

You've already won.


Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Guest on Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:20 am

PS I'm not done babbling. Sorry.

The other day I read a piece on Medium written by a trans author, also late to the party, who laments how she only has half a life to live. Half of her physical life spent as a man and now only the autumn and winter left as her true self.

I felt compelled to comment - I think it's a very pessimistic and, frankly, sad state of mind.

We don't get to live half a life... We get to live two lives.

It's effin' brilliant when you think about it. You have access to all the strengths and knowledge and insights gained from playing a prior role, whether it was false or not. Embrace it. Your physical, masculine side is not your enemy... It carried you here and will continue to do so.

You are starting a new life, and you might feel hard done by when you look in the mirror sometimes, but at least you can say that your character is not defined by how you look, or that it was taught to you because of the way you look.

Time and old age comes for us all. When you're old and decrepit, it won't matter if you're natally male or female. It does, however, matter if you spent your whole life, from a young age, constructing your self-image around physical attributes and sexuality, like so many people do. In my opinion, lamenting lost youth, old glories and departed vitality as defined by a gender role is a purgatory worse than any dysphoria. As a late-transitioned woman, you are spared that trap - if you manage to hold onto the perspective that being young isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Personally, I don't want to be young again. Look young, yes, but that's not the same thing. All the shit of being young, been there, dunnit, you can keep it. And that has nothing to do with being trans. Everybody wants to look younger.

So many natal women hit that mid-life trauma right at your age now.... an age where you are being reborn. How about that! Smile

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Abby on Thu Jul 12, 2018 4:00 pm

Thanks for the words it does help. It is a massive mix of issues going in my head. Yet they are the product of me and I am of them. I think I'm trying to over analysis things and to label stuff. Is my issue with looks a pride issues, trans issue, or mid life crisis? It's not to attract a partner, but being able to look at my self in the mirror properly with wanting to cry is welcoming effect of all this. I definitely need to look at what I have and not what I could of had if this or that. Who would say that if I transitioed back then I would have not been depressed? Not having my own child would have hurt alot for example. At the end of the day I am still me in a better wrapper and alot more happy and confident, not lost anyone important and more close to friends than I have ever been because understand the querks I had when presenting male. Like I would always sit with the girls rather than the boys. Just need to stop the mental loops and self savagtarging thoughts.


I work with students between the ages of 18 and 24 ish years, it easy to forget the crap you deal with at that age.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
Abby
Abby

Posts : 109
Join date : 2018-05-19
Location : south of the original Manchester!

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:20 pm

As I see it Abby, on the much annoying 'scale' you and most assuredly not below a 7.

You have good complexion. A make up wizard could likely make you look an 8 with their eyes closed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
Lesley Niyori
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 652
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 57
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:25 pm

We all have only so many years.

I'm likely going to die feeling like a teenager.

I'm not really happy or sad about feeling 6. It's not discretionary. It's funny sometimes, mostly annoying though.
I never feel like I fit in and it makes me feel lonely.

I don't mind some of the side effects. It doesn't make it easier to climb stairs, but, my imagination is not hindered like it is for adults. I'm not jaded by life like so many adults. But my lack of experience tends to make me look 'odd'. I say and do things that end up being inexplicable.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
Lesley Niyori
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 652
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 57
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Abby on Thu Jul 12, 2018 8:45 pm

Thank you for that Lesley!
Therpy was surprisingly useful today. Last of the sessions and need to reapply in a couple on months for more but now have some ideas to look up to help break the self hatrid cycle etc. Positive affirmations and mindfulness. So it's cat posters time! Apparently I looked a bit sinical but she talked about fake to make it. Worth giving a go, can't be worse.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
Abby
Abby

Posts : 109
Join date : 2018-05-19
Location : south of the original Manchester!

Back to top Go down

dealing with disphoric days Empty Re: dealing with disphoric days

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum