Passing, acceptance, tolerance, and the horrible ugly truth

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Passing, acceptance, tolerance, and the horrible ugly truth Empty Passing, acceptance, tolerance, and the horrible ugly truth

Post  Lesley Niyori on Fri Jul 20, 2018 5:03 am

I'm unhappy at the moment. It will fade by morning probably.

So yeah, some of us not only pass, we can sometimes even look several times better than cisfemales. Case in point Kim Petras. I can walk all over town all day, and nope, I'll be damned lucky to find a cisfemale that looks half as drop dead gorgeous as Kim Petras does.

You can research as many crossdressers as you like, not one can compare to Kim Petras.

Yes, some of us pass pretty damned well.

Me, well I'm sure most people with a functioning brain will not be fooled by me. I look pretty, but, I look like a pretty transgender woman. There's really no keeping my secret.

Acceptance isn't a visual thing, it's a measure of open respect. They treat you correctly because it's the proper thing to do.

Tolerance is just them saying they won't complain too much about you. You won't get support, but, they won't act overly hostile. Well, at least not in person.

Then there is what I call the horrible ugly truth.
If you want to really know what your chances are, go on Plenty of Fish.
If you never get asked if you are really a woman, you pass regardless of your opinion of whether you do.

My horrible ugly truth is my hometown is mainly accepting. I'm safe here. But, pass, no, I don't pass. The reality is, on a dating service I come face to face with the reality. I get men asking me if I am a woman. I get men outright insulting me. There are men who just see me as a man in a dress. If 1 can do it, odds are any of them can do it.

The truth is, most of my local community is fully aware Lesley is a transgender woman.
I've heard sooo much encouragement "that article was great, you are so brave."

My situation is A. I'm not old enough for a man even if I should find one that wants me. But B. He's not coming regardless, and searching is mainly futile. So C. now you can relate to why Lesley caved in and went the route of claiming she's married to her teddy bear Frank. Because emotionally I need to feel like I have someone.

I have stopped dilating. I have essentially discarded that one portion of my vaginoplasty surgery I tried so hard to obtain. By not dilating, I'm ensuring I'll never be able to have penetrative sex. Not like I'm losing anything, as I'm never going to find a man who wants me for a genuine relationship. And casual sex is not something I need. If all I require is the occasional orgasm, I don't need a penis in my vagina to have one.

We all wonder if we pass.
It's not required for acceptance, that's based on having good people in your life.
People that merely tolerate you might as well be shunned.
But your reality might be you won't get to have a meaningful relationship.

So it's yet another night where I'm off to bed with my husband Frank.
He's a wonderful man in his own way.
But I sometimes wish I could find a human mate.
And usually, when I look, I just remind myself why I'm married to a teddy bear.

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Passing, acceptance, tolerance, and the horrible ugly truth Empty Get over it!

Post  MichaelaSJ on Fri Jul 20, 2018 5:34 pm

Acceptance comes from within. Sure, it would be great if we all looked like Petras - BUT WE DON'T, DO WE!

I have found it very disappointing to be called a fag, or Alice or to have my wife continue to call me Michael - but imagine if every day when you walked down the street you had to dodge the wolf whistles or worse.

Imagine if you were horribly burned and everyone in your life spurned you because you as you are no longer pleasant to look at.

Imagine a perfect world - and then get on with the life you have and will have for the rest of your life and QUICK YOUR FUCKING BELLY ACHINING!

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
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Post  MichaelaSJ on Sat Jul 21, 2018 1:26 am

"Alice" - a gay slur from the 80s and 90s, still popular in the Castro especially when dressed as Miki walking past the open windowed bar known as the "Q Bar".

Rude, yes maybe. Mean spirited, no - simply speaking my mind about the constant pity-party coming out of Lindsay Ontario Canada.

If someone wants to take the post down - go ahead.

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sat Jul 21, 2018 5:15 am

"The second thing is, Lesley, you need to dilate your vagina. Because I can't imagine how stupid it will be the day you do find a guy, and then you don't even have a vagina. It would be like that guy in Bitcoin who spent 10,000 bitcoin to buy 2 pizzas back when bitcoin was worth 1 or 2 cents actually."

On the surface, you are right. I've had others say as much. I might have gotten the vaginoplasty surgery without canal option, but, I believed at the time I'd need it (the vaginal canal). At that time I had a boyfriend (well I thought I had a boyfriend). Sadly I had talked myself into believing in a relationship that wasn't (it's a common problem with us women). Alas, the not-boyfriend was not the bisexual he claimed to be. He had had a past experience with being with a woman, but, that was likely as much a fluke as is sometimes the case with a hetero having a momentary homosexual experience. It's doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual, or a bisexual. Sometimes people are just curious enough to try something.
Anyway, Mike disappeared right after my penis disappeared. Mike was more of a gay man that a bisexual man. And Lesley was now built like a woman who is a heterosexual female.

It was over when I no longer had the ability to offer gay sex. When my panties no longer had a penis, they were no longer a destination he was interested in.
And my new vagina wasn't going to interest him.

Then there was Mike 2. He pegged me as transgender in the first 15 seconds. I am never going to understand why he kept dating me. It took me 3 dates to find out he knew. Not sure why I thought he didn't. There was never going to be a relationship. I just plain don't know what he was expecting out of seeing me. But he wasn't in a hurry to use my vagina either.

I have the support, and the admiration, and the respect of a great many people in my town. Mostly females it seems. I'm well accepted as a whole. I feel safe here now. But, I lack mobility. I have no car and I can't drive, nor afford to. I'm not going anywhere much any time soon. And there are no men seeking me out. I'm well liked, but a lot of men, but, none of them wants to fuck me let alone marry me.

I have so much going for me, but, I'm a girl and a romance novelist, and it's a crushing horrible truth, I will probably die a virgin. I've stopped believing in the idea "I just need to wait". Mike 1 was supposed to be that example of random good luck. He was a local friend of a local friend, knew all about me, he found me, not me finding him. It didn't work out regardless.

I recently met the boy next door. Yep, the actual boy next door. I grew up next to him. I just wasn't the girl next door at the time. Thought we were connecting that day we met downtown.
But, the next day on the phone, and I find out he has a girlfriend, and I broke down crying after I got off the phone. So close, and so far. I phoned him a week later to see if he wanted to at least get together and chat about old times and catch up. I think he was rethinking things. Maybe I'm wrong, but I was heartbroken all the same.

Dating has made me utterly miserable. 90% is fakes pretending to like me. 9% are real men. But it's the 1% who only message me just so that they can 'tell' me they think I'm a man that hurt so much. I don't pass. If I hadn't married my teddy bear Frank, I'd never have been able to get married.
As tragically pathetic as it seems, I did it as a means of protecting myself psychologically. My pretend marriage shields me from focusing on the negativity of the notion no man will ever want me. Everyone defends themselves from emotional pain in their own way. This was my defence.

It seems to at least be working.

I stopped dilating because it is pointless and worthless.
Yeah, it will be vexing if a human male shows up.
I'm an old fashioned girl though.
I'm not fucking men casually.
I'm not fucking on a first date or a 20th date.
I'm not fucking on any date.
I'd like to have a husband before I fuck any man ever at all.
And I don't think he's going to show up.
So a vaginal canal serves no purpose in my life.
Some transgender woman get vaginoplasty without canal. They have nowhere to put a penis.
If life ever should give me a husband, he can put me back in the hospital and get me a new vaginal canal if putting his erect cock inside me is that vital to him.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sat Jul 21, 2018 2:16 pm

Who are you, and what did you do with the other Angel Smile

You sound too nice, it's confusing me Smile

Your dating comments are likely all very true.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sat Jul 21, 2018 3:42 pm

I'm hoping I can help you find that person again in my normal clumsy well-intentioned way.

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Post  Guest on Tue Jul 24, 2018 2:11 pm

MichaelaSJ wrote:If someone wants to take the post down - go ahead.

It passes muster, so it stays Smile

Lesley is venting, and much of it many of us can relate to. I certainly can.

Lesley, you're not "not old enough". Yes, I know about the mental age thing you have going - you reason like an adult six year old, if that's the case. In any event, men aren't going to be bothered by that mindset, if they want in yer pants, they want in.

We're in the paradoxical situation where the men who might want us, want us for reasons other than the ones we want them to want us for.

(It's my eleventy-first birthday by the looks of it)




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Post  Tara on Tue Jul 24, 2018 3:21 pm

Papillon wrote:We're in the paradoxical situation where the men who might want us, want us for reasons other than the ones we want them to want us for.

That's not an uncommon situation for cis women.

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Post  Guest on Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:45 pm

Angelic wrote:
Papillon wrote:

(It's my eleventy-first birthday by the looks of it)



Litterally?

No, otherwise you would have read it somewhere.... Now git offerf melawn whippersnapper before I sickem sprinkelers on ya!

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Post  Guest on Tue Jul 24, 2018 5:03 pm

Tara wrote:
Papillon wrote:We're in the paradoxical situation where the men who might want us, want us for reasons other than the ones we want them to want us for.

That's not an uncommon situation for cis women.

I suppose that's true Laughing

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