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Post  emily19 on Sun Aug 05, 2018 6:25 am

im about to start school next weekend. its my sophomore year of college(i went to a community college first year and im starting at a university this year) and my first year living on my own. i started hormones 2 1/2 months ago and have been slowly getting out of my comfort zone and dressing outside. im planning on going full time when i start school because i chose a really lgbt supportive school. to cut to the point im afraid of what people will do. like will i be insulted or attacked cause im trans. my fear is purely related to my peers. im totally cool with the faculty/staff/administration and they've already done a lot to show their support(like help me get into an lgbt dorm and all my paper work has my preferred name on it(legal name is like none existent))

so the real question is what should i expect? like what happened when you were in college(if you were out)? i know not everyone's experience is the same. i just need like some motivation and something to get an idea of what might happen in the real world instead of what i expect to happen in my head.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:48 am

I have not been through the college experience, but, I think I can offer, based on observations, a few comments.

Our young people tend to be better at being supportive than our older populations.

But it depends on your actual geographical locations too. If the college is known to be supportive, that's good. But, remember, you won't be on the campus ALL the time, eventually, you go places.

From my own experiences, my suggestion is to turn on your new self and be your new self all day, every day, anywhere all the time.

Say goodbye to your old self now, this moment, today. Stop being the old person immediately. Arrive at your new educational institution as your real self, and be your real self anywhere else as well. Out shopping, at a bar, just walking down a street. Let the only person they ever see, be the only person they ever know.

Arrange for the legal name change ASAP. The moment you are your actual self on paper, legally, the better. It affects your attitude dear. I didn't expect to experience what I did on that day with myself, but I did. You look at your new name and proper gender marker, and odds are you break down crying regardless of your gender. It's just what happens when you realize, you are real, not just an idea in your head. Seeing a credit card with YOU on it, and not the other person, and your driver's license, and your bills in the mail makes a lot of surprising difference.

You're at about the margin where you stop telling yourself you are on hormone therapy, and you start NOTICING you are on hormone therapy. It took me about 3 months, and then changes start to trickle in faster and faster. You're going to begin to experience "weird stuff" progressively (which is the whole point of taking hormones), and a lot of it will be minor and seemingly innocent, but it accumulates. It won't be all physiological, it might be more mental emotional, it might be hard to detect in some cases. You do a lot of second guessing and don't be afraid to be mistaken sometimes.

There ARE negative people out there dear, they ain't going to go away any time soon.
But the more visible you are, the more confident that you are, the more you will attract the good people who will only see you as much as you show them. Supportive people are usually greatly outnumbered by the neutral opinions that are generally 'nice' inherently. Humanity tends to behave decently around people who are acting 'ordinary'. And that's the secret dear. You have to master 'ordinary'. If you act like there is something wrong with you, people will detect it and react to it. If you act like you are mundane and not worth the attention, odds are you will largely go unnoticed and not be seen as 'strange'. YOU have to believe it or they won't.

Unnoticed is actually better than 'passing'.
Aim for ordinary, mundane, boring and you will enjoy being yourself more.

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Post  Abby on Sun Aug 05, 2018 12:52 pm


By what I have heard from our LBGT department, noticed and heard from other TG at uni is that on the whole it is fine. You will get some A holes, but should be ok. But that's in the UK, I take from your post your in the US? Here the uni I work at is seeing LGBT inclusive as a marketing point as well as a point of principle and are highly supportive, staff who don't "get with the program" are asked to do an awareness training course. Things improve from there.

On passing, work on your happyness (slowly getting their my self,

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Sun Aug 05, 2018 7:30 pm

I think the general attitude of the Uni will determine a lot about your experience. If you attend a small school not located in the NE or on the Left Coast you may experience some level of discrimination you will not be comfortable with. Even then, some smaller liberal arts colleges are affiliated with religious denominations and you may find yourself ostracized by small minds.

If you attend a large uni then you will likely get lost in the crowd. It has been many, many years since I went to a uni, but I remember the day I went sans footwear and everyone looked at me like I was from Mars, even being excluded from one class. This was 1964 and things have changed a bit (I think) - but maybe not that much, sigh!

What you will find is that many students really aren't as open to different things as they claim to be. I would be careful using gender oriented facilities as a 19 year old sophomore girl is likely to see you as a threat. A 40 year old instructor/professor is likely to shrug off any difference, but there are more 19 year old students than 40 year old anythings.

I wish you well and please stay in touch and report what happens to you as you move through uni life.

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
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Post  emily19 on Sun Aug 05, 2018 8:43 pm

Well just to give an idea of the environment the college is located in. Its a small-medium sized liberal arts campus on the outskirts of atlanta georgia. So the student body is composed of people from all around the south(which is of course the bible belt and highly conservative). Its last president of the school was a bigot who was openly saying a lot of anti lgbt things which was replied to with lots of protesting from the student body and professors so he was fired last year. It seems like information that would be important to tell you all so you have a better idea of the picture so you know why im a little worried about it(i found out about the president thing at orientation last month). I dont know if this is important or not honestly

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:58 pm

emily19 wrote:Well just to give an idea of the environment the college is located in. Its a small-medium sized liberal arts campus on the outskirts of atlanta georgia. So the student body is composed of people from all around the south(which is of course the bible belt and highly conservative). Its last president of the school was a bigot who was openly saying a lot of anti lgbt things which was replied to with lots of protesting from the student body and professors so he was fired last year. It seems like information that would be important to tell you all so you have a better idea of the picture so you know why im a little worried about it(i found out about the president thing at orientation last month). I dont know if this is important or not honestly
Why did you choose this school? I understand logistics and tuition cost are big factors, but was there no other choice away from the inherent bigotry of the Georgia south.

What will be your major? Are you looking for a career choice in grad school?

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  emily19 on Mon Aug 06, 2018 12:29 am

I chose the school because its a really good school for my major. Im majoring in psychology. I want to work with depressed and suicidal adolescents. the school im going to is only an hour from my parents home and its only 18,000 a year which is rather cheap compared to the other choices i have in schools. Plus its one of two schools in georgia with a masters degree in psych. Its also the safer location. The other university with a psych masters and bachelors program is in downtown atlanta and there's a high crime rate around there.

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Post  emily19 on Mon Aug 06, 2018 12:40 am

The reason in which i want to work with adolescents in the psychology field is because ive always been really good with helping people and i think its my calling because nothing really makes me feel more at peace than when im helping others. I also have a lot of experience with depression and suicidal ideation so it just seems fitting to work in that field.

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Mon Aug 06, 2018 1:04 am

Good enough reasons (as if I am to be the judge). Good luck in your studies and go for the Masters of Social Work as a BS degree in psychology is next to worthless - job wise.

I hope your job future incudes clinical work as we will definitely being needing someone to sit next to the couch managing the despair our country is continuing to foster with the hatred and bigotry spewing from most of the political right.

Go for the PhD if you have the time and funding!

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  Anna Mull on Fri Aug 10, 2018 6:27 am

I went to a community college that had a lgbt club of about 4 people; the group disbanded before I learned about it because it was too small. There were a couple of bigots (professors included), but I felt relatively safe.

With that being said, you're going to be surrounded by open-minded people. After all, you're in a learning environment. Your university sounds supportive; try to take advantage of any resources that it offers.
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Post  emily19 on Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:30 am

So moved in today. Introduced myself as emily to my roommate(i have 3 and they are all lgbt so not the biggest deal) and i wore my girl clothes around the dorm(its pretty much an apartment cause its a 4 person dorm with a kitchen and living room). So day 1 went well. Im just worried what tomorrow will bring cause im going to actually venture outside and go to the cafeteria dressed which is horrifying just thinking about but im going to do it. Only bright side beyond showing my courage to myself and proving i can do it is if i wear the right clothes and put my hair in a pony tail or done correctly and avoid talking i should pass in the eyes of most people and if i keep a distance a large majority of people(my t levels were always low 124(estrogen 114 so evened out and i was never on anything) so i didn't develop to much of a masculine figure and face so even when I'm in my boy clothes i get called mam until i open my mouth. I am kinda overweight as a down side of my testosterone being so low cause i had a really messed up metabolism like i played sports and barely ate and would gain weight. Estrogen is actually helping that though like ive been losing weight since i started and lots of it)

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:48 pm

Tomorrow ALWAYS has the chance of being better than today. Look forward to your journey and keep us informed.

You seem to be doing really, REALLY well so far. Keep it up!

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  emily19 on Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:33 pm

Okay so a few people stared at me when i dressed out and went to lunch which kinda sucked. So i got home afterwards and shaved and put on a cute top and skirt which made me feel a little better. I just now went to dinner and i was wearing pants a school shirt and a bra and i was called "dude" which was a thousand times worse than people staring. I feel like that was the motivation i needed to dress full time now because id honestly rather be killed than for someone to use male pronouns for me because it hurts worse than the weird stares i got from people.

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Post  Tara on Sun Aug 12, 2018 1:18 am

emily19 wrote:i was called "dude" which was a thousand times worse than people staring

That may be meaningless. I have noticed recently that some people use "dude" as a gender-neutral term. I find it jarring, but I've heard it used with cis gender women. Usage evolves.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sun Aug 12, 2018 2:10 am

Hey man, guys and dude tend to be gender neutral, but as is always the case, it also requires tone, and context.

It can always be hey girl, gals and lady.

The problem is, we need to understand that some of our people are non-binary, and they ain't interested in any of it.

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Sun Aug 12, 2018 3:47 am

DUDE is never gender neutral, as in 'hey, dude'. It is a slur when directed at a transwoman.

GUY is never gender neutral as in 'she's a guy'. It is a slur when directed at a transwoman.

Guys, when addressing a mixed gender group, or a group of common women, is a term of friendship or camaraderie.

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  Celia Eriksson on Sun Aug 12, 2018 11:31 am

Hi Emily!

So keep on carrying on. I never went to college or university when I left school, I have attended vocational college and courses as an adult frequently. In life, in places of learning and workplaces, gossip and information travels like wildfire. Humans, by nature, cannot resist pieces of information about others, then the 'news' becomes stale and someone else is the new topic.

The 'dude' remark? Ignore it and carry on, I think you will find the majority of students support you, so carry on being the real you, the you that you are. Things will get much better, people will warm to you if you allow your personality to flourish. It may be that you believe it is easy for anyone to write or read words, but the stone cold fact is that there is no escaping hurtful pronouns during transition, it is something that you need to learn to ignore, never react to and rise above. I am sure you can do that by not stifling your personality. Best wishes honey.

Celia xx

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Post  emily19 on Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:57 am

Today's been interesting. I'm starting to come out of my shell a bit more on campus. I had a mandatory dorm meeting that i wore a cute white top with a grey sweater and a black skirt to and then went out on campus with some friends while wearing it. I got stared at but i didn't really focus on it cause i was with people who were supportive and fun to be around. I felt really happy about it and had a lot of confidence since i had been with friends like i was barely scared and i wasn't self conscious about wearing girl clothes outside my dorm. I'm definitely going to keep it up and avoid using male clothes cause i feel better about myself. There was one problem that came up though i had to use the restroom and there are only a handful of gender neutral ones on campus and i didnt want to be attacked using any of the gender specific restrooms but my roommate kinda pushed me to use an empty womens room and she guarded the door for me and there were these two parents outside the restrooms who actually encouraged me to do it since i was dressed as myself in girl clothes. But still it was kinda scary and i don't know if it would be viewed as wrong of me to do even though i identify as female. So I'm mixed on that.

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:26 am

emily19 wrote:But still it was kinda scary and i don't know if it would be viewed as wrong of me to do even though i identify as female. So I'm mixed on that.
When every last remnant of gender bigotry is gone, but one - we will be left with the bathroom/restroom quandary.

Western civilization, and specifically U.S. civilization, seems to want to hang onto this last thing that everyone has to do at least once a day as if they would be bare their very soul if someone of the opposite gender were to see them sitting on a toilet.

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  emily19 on Tue Aug 14, 2018 3:58 am

Today was the first day of classes. I went to class in my girl clothes and introduced myself as emily. Everything was actually fine people stared and i was slightly fearful and self conscious but I'm definitely going to keep this up cause i feel so much happier now that i know i can openly be me and have the strength to dress outside. Last few days have been crazy and there's going to be hardship to come probably quickly but i think i might be able to handle it. Ive learned a lot about myself in a matter of days which is really surprising i never thought I'd have the strength to do this but i do and its thanks to support from this community of people here and from my personal friends.

Thank you all for the support and giving me helpful feedback and commenting

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Post  Tara on Tue Aug 14, 2018 2:36 pm

Yay! You got this, Emily! Smile

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Post  Supreme_Pizza on Sun Mar 17, 2019 4:19 pm

You're gonna do what you're gonna do.
So just be you.

The hormones are going to take some time, along with the rest of everything. Just let it happen on it's own or you're going to end up a trans-activist when you need to concentrate on studies.

Unless something seems dangerous, let it go. Biggot? Who cares. I've been called "It" so often I lost count. Just walk away, or run if you have to. Wear flats. Running in heels when being chased is horrible. Always be aware of your surroundings, and have an escape plan. Don't live in fear, just be smart and stay safe.

--edit--
Georgia of all places... expect bigots by the bag. Big bags of bigots.

Um... You've got about a 20% chance of being sexually assaulted if you're cis. Higher since you're trans. Most reported cases aren't investigated and the current POTUS is not going to pressure schools to do anything about it. I'd assume that at least a near assault will happen, if you see it coming, and if you get away.

Here's the HRC stats.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/sexual-assault-and-the-lgbt-community

Like it or not you're entering a whole new level of risk. You're trans, you're out, you're in university, you're in Georgia of all places, and you're naive . Just be aware you're risk is high and in Georgia the threat level is high.


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