Okay so, I was in the shower, trying to clear my mind. Unfortunately, all of a sudden I remembered a hot girl in my apartment complex, who had the most perfect looking boobs. I have not seen her since, and being shy and beta, I was afraid to tell her how hot she was (also afraid of being punished by the feminists for flirting.)
This thought has been eating me up and making me feel male and miserable. I get consumed by needing to know what her boobs looked like under her clothes. And I cannot escape my toxic male thinking patterns. The thought loops of how "if only if only I could go back in time and flirt with her right, I would get to have sex with her and solve this mystery and see what her boobs look like."
When I get in male thought patterns like these, I cannot escape. I do not feel right. I cannot even masturbate. When I try to masturbate I just feel negative, like I am a pathetic failure. So then I try to fantasize I am a woman, but I cannot. It's like a metaphorical error message pops up, forcing me to be stuck in male mode, while my metaphorical ship is plummeting to earth, with red lights and alarms going off everywhere.
So in order to save my soul, I had to google porn images of women with perfect breasts. I was somewhat aroused by what I saw, but not intensely or magically so. However, when I saw the perfect round circles I felt perfect relief. Just something about them being perfectly round, made me just feel at peace. Not the boobs that were saggy, not the boobs that were not absolutely round, the only way I felt at peace is if they were perfect spheres.
So I want to talk to you about how objectification is a myth. Because when I was scrolling I accidentally saw a pic of a guy fucking a paraplegic with no arms or legs. And then feminism entered my head, telling me he is objectifying her body. But then I thought more deeply about it. I remembered how, I had received ads telling me to buy plastic sex-dolls with no arms or legs, just a body and head to fuck. And I remembered how I was not interested in these sex-dolls.
I also remember, seeing ads for full body sex-dolls, with arms and legs. And still not being aroused or wanting to fuck them. And that the only time I was aroused, was watching sex-doll porn where human beings dress up as dolls, where humans are inside the dolls. If I see a doll with perfect boobs it doesn't do it for me, I only get obsessed when its a real human being with perfect boobs.
So I have come to the conclusion, that is not objectification which turns me on, but domination and perfection. The idea that I am having sex with another soul, and we are dominating each other in love. Or wholly submitting to each other. And when someone has a hot body, I don't have to put on a paper bag on them or close my eyes, when someone is hot, I can wholly look at them in awe and perfection, with zero disgust.