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The internet makes it too easy.

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The internet makes it too easy. Empty The internet makes it too easy.

Post  Lesley Niyori Thu Sep 06, 2018 2:08 pm

I have not been given any reason by anyone here on our forum for this post.
Just saying that, so that no one will think it.

But this morning, something happened, not here, but it was on the internet, and it likely would not have happened in person.

Because the internet is NOT a 'social' media, it is merely a tool for sending messages bereft of real 'social' interaction.

It permits us to say things, and read things that fail to convey body language and tone. It fails on many levels. I have even realized that a video can fail if it isn't real time and fully interactive. So YouTube is not enough. Because if you can't see your audience's reactions, then it isn't really 'social'.

Social requires instantaneous interaction that conveys all of what is human interaction.
It contains the time of day, specific location, the tone of speech, body language, context.

I have been online using the internet since 1990 and using the web since it happened effectively since 2000. I've done mIRC and chat messengers and forums and blogs. I have stayed on a few forums, but, I've left so many. I'm mostly on Facebook, but, I have had to realize, sometimes life is better if life is mainly in person.

I have met people online in a fashion. But, I have had to contend with how sometimes I only 'seem' to have met some people. I have also had to realize, some people I have met in person, are not the same people when engaged in an online method. People are not always the same when they are behind a 'wall' called the internet.

I have said it in the past, and I think it still holds true today, if I ever realize the house in the country, I likely will leave the internet behind as a means to socialize.
Most of my time on the internet is a reflection of my desperation in needing contact with people.

But a bit more than a month ago, I 'found someone'. And for the first time in my journey as 'me', I am no longer alone as me in my 'in person' world. I went to bed last night with the love of my life. And I woke this morning next to the person who is the love of my life. And we have both been talking of marriage. To happen at some time in the future which we can't at this moment calculate today.

The thing is, I have given up on finding anyone. I had concluded no one wanted me.
The thing is, my lover, had flat out decided "never again" were they ever getting married.
And here we are, planning the impossible.

I met her while walking to a bike store to seek out some bike maintenance. She approached me on the street after hearing about me. She had all sorts of preconceived notions of what I might be like. I was totally different from what she expected.

And I had been searching for 3+ years for a cliche, a stereotype, and something old-fashioned, and likely unrealistic. A man, a boringly average man. And I found, a transgender woman, who is pre-op, and wants to be post-op. And she is not even close to what I was seeking. She's not even male.

I likely have found my 'happily ever after' entirely by accident.
And the internet sure wasn't the reason either.
In fact, the internet likely wasted my last 3 years.
Internet online dating is a fucking crock. Finding a person through online dating, is entirely accidental, NOT by design. Your chances of finding a meaningful relationship online, are not even close to as good via in-person offline.

I have overplayed the value of the internet.
That is NOT to say I don't think my online friends are lesser friends for it.
But, the internet is a dangerous thing.
It's like alcohol. 1 drink is harmless. 2 likely as harmless. 4-5 likely a bad idea. 4-5 nearly daily will have serious detrimental negative effects.
5 minutes online is nothing. 5 hours online is probably 4 hours and 30 minutes too long. 5 hours daily is a seriously dangerous level of significant damage to your health both mental and physical.

I am online way too much.
I'm not at work. I don't work.
I should be doing something offline most of the time. Unless I'm watching a movie or TV show. Just as long as I'm not avoiding life in the process. 1 movie a day is nothing. Several TV shows are nothing much. Watching media all day is not healthy if it removes me from socializing.

My life is unique to a point.
My body is clearly not 6. I look a lot younger than I am though. That's neat in a way.
My life experiences though are not what you'd expect.
I am not interested in explaining why I have the experiences of a 6-year-old.
It's not always anyone's business.
If I mention it, I've decided the audience is safe.
I'm not always right about that of course.
I wasn't at the previous forum.
I've created a private non-visible group on my Facebook account so that I can be entirely me there safely.
Because sadly, not everyone out there even on a Facebook Friends list can be trusted 100%

But, as a result of my finding a partner, someone who wants me enough to marry me, my life has changed dramatically. I'm no longer quite as desperate for 'company'. That's both online as well as offline. I recently lost a local friend, who likely left me for reasons entirely their own failing and not mine. If she wishes to ditch me, so be it. My life has entered a place I didn't think possible. I'm no longer lamenting being 'alone' in the in-person sense of the word. I will no longer tolerate 'friends' who clearly don't value 'friends' the way I do. Anyone that can casually discard me, likely won't be asked back into my life. They can ask to have ME back in THEIR life, but, I'm not going to run after them.

Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
Lesley Niyori
Lesley Niyori

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Post  Guest Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:40 pm

I would have similar views on many of the points you make. The internet was always a gift for people like me and you. Or so it seemed. But of course it's not without it's downsides.

I would disagree to some extent about internet dating. It does work. I know of more than a few people or whom it's successful. I am one. I met my wife from an internet dating site back in the early days of internet dating. She's embarrassed by that to this day and our cover story is that we met in a pub. She was also the first and only person I met from a dating site. So it happens.

As for the rest I signed up onto various forums and sites, Facebook etc and engaged enthusiastically particularly where I had a strong interest and where I felt I had something to say. One popular forum is simply known as 'boards'. They have sub forums for every topic, interest and viewpoint. I joined knowing I had something to say and now had a forum to air it. I eventually was disabused of this notion. I had nothing to say and worse even if I did it would be lost in the tsunami of verbiage or verbal diarrhea. Where I believed I had expertise, it turned out I knew nothing. I cut myself off one by one.

So my social media presence now is here and a hobby website which I only visit because it's nice and friendly and sometimes I can offer help. After TGboards sank I was in two minds about coming here but I wanted to support Celia. But I'm glad of it.

I think for everyone the whole social media internet thing is still very new. We are still learning how to deal with it.

But it is a good thing for me overall. Like you I don't have a job and I'm isolated in the house most of the time in a city where I have no friends of my own. I have my wife and her friends and my kids but personally I'm quite isolated socially and literally. Mostly my own fault. So the internet is an outlet for me. The only outlet really.

It may not be the greatest thing but without it I would literally be lost. But I've no illusions about it.


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Post  MichaelaSJ Thu Sep 06, 2018 6:25 pm

Lesley Niyori wrote:I likely have found my 'happily ever after' entirely by accident.
Once you accept that life is lived in a nearly endless series of accidents, then you get past the anguish that the world is against you. It is not.

I say nearly endless, because at some point a 'literal' accident may happen to end your life, or if we are lucky, the accident ending our lives is simply a blood vessel plugging off a part of our brain causing a cascade of accidents shutting our bodies down and then - we are gone.
Lesley Niyori wrote:I will no longer tolerate 'friends' who clearly don't value 'friends' the way I do. Anyone that can casually discard me, likely won't be asked back into my life. They can ask to have ME back in THEIR life, but, I'm not going to run after them.
I had a discussion with myself last night about why I don't many friends, and it is my fault.

I am a very friendly person. I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone about almost anything. But can I make a friend out of this person; my friendship history says no!

Friends need to be cultivated and I never learned how to do that - and for that very reason I have no friends (save my Wife).

Lesley, I think what you do is to cast away your friends. Where I do not reach out for inclusion you actually throw people out of your life. And, then you become annoyed when they do look back as they walk away.

Lesley, do your very best to keep the friend you now have because once you toss them out, they won't come back.

"Disobedience in the eyes of any one who has read history is man's original virtue. "—Oscar Wilde.
If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
“lifelong atheist, not afraid of burning in hell,” Ron Reagan FFRF

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Post  Celia Eriksson Fri Sep 07, 2018 4:02 pm

Hi Everyone!!!

I was quite late to it all, the cyberverse and computing and all that. It began to interest me a little when I began seeing friends and staff at work watching things on youtube, especially old songs. I told myself that I really did not have time for such things. Well, it was not until I was given a second hand computer a few years ago that I got started it sat on the side untouched until one day I decided I ought to phone my telephone company and go online. I soon found that I liked it lots, I could find so much information upon it. I liked watching all my old favourite songs as well. Now I switch on my shiny new laptop every morning and whilst having a cup of coffee at home, around three or four times a day. I read the news, I come here, I buy things and find things out upon it. I'd hate not to have it now!!!

Well, I am as much of a cyberphobe today, with mobile/cell phones! I don't think I got one 'til about 2000/2001. And these new phones I find so hard to use!!! But, I thought that I best go with the times, so I bought a smartphone. I lasted about a month or so with it, coz I kept missing calls! This swiping thingy always switched it off, or did not work! So, I got an old chip back from my phone company and I am now back with my old Nokia, which is very easy to use and is about ten years old. I can charge it and it lasts 3 or 4 days, the smart one was constantly being charged.

Life is such a series of twists and turns, I agree with you Miki, make one liccle decision and your whole life takes a different direction! But, you can make your own luck among the accudents, as to sway things your way. I'd hate to be pessimisticic about life, I think you have to have a good attitude about the future. (I nearly didn't respond coz I don't like the bit about shutting down, I want to live forever!). Always hold on to friends Lesley! Never 'burn bridges'!

So I suppose Lesley is correct up to a point, that is that the cyberverse is a curtain, we only see whta people want to show us. But there are good things, don't forget it's real people out there, potential friends, yes potential dates... I've tried twice but found the dating sites a little scary. I might try again one day, I think I lasted about three weeks and four weeks then I got a bit frit both times with some of the messages and suggestions I got, though I'd be lying if I did not admit, much of the attention was nice. I guess there are some pretty horrid people too, but I feel sorry for horrid people, for they must live horrid lives.

The net is here to stay and we can learn so much from it, take it for what it is, a place to learn, meet and share! Celia xx

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Celia Eriksson
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