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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Sep 20, 2018 2:18 pm

Today's thought.

If you is ugly on the inside, you WILL be ugly on the outside.

Nothing you say or do will make you attractive externally if internally you is ugly.

Inner ugliness can't be surgically altered. There's no pill to cure inner ugliness. It has to be done consciously and deliberately.

Inner beauty isn't easy to achieve. It won't come casually. You ain't born with it.

Often the only way to witness inner beauty is through another person's eyes. I've tried, and no matter how hard I have tried, I can't see my own inner beauty in the mirror or in a picture. But it is so plain in my fiance's eyes. Not sure what she is looking at, but she's sure looking at something eh.

I'm 'ok' with my external apparent appearances. I DO require a nice hairdo and modest makeup (usually just lipstick), and a nice outfit often with a necklace and a bracelet to feel feminine. Otherwise, my appearance seems blah and plain.

But I've seen my fiance's silly grin while she is staring at me. I must be doing something right eh Smile

Often it takes something soooo small to make yourself look 'better'. Last night, I treated myself and D'arcy to DQ. I bought 1 meal. We shared a refillable drink, shared the fries, and the burger and gave her some of the sundae. The moment I scored points was when I offered her the first bite of the double cheeseburger and told her the first bite was always the best one. She commented, "that's what I like about you Lesley, you're always so thoughtful."

You get nothing from doing nothing. You will always have nothing if you never do anything.
If what you do is always to offer a negative, you always end up with less than you began with. So if you spend the day being negative, at the end of the day you will have less than you started the day with. You have to invest in something to end the day with a chance of a profit.

This is so relevant to us as transgender persons. In the closet you essentially don't even exist to those around you. Until you take the risk, you gain nothing and you lose yet another day you might have had.
Yeah, it is simply too hard or too risky for some.
Maybe where you is, is the problem.
I would rather seek a safer place, and risk dying trying to get there, rather than continue to simply exist, in a world where you didn't actually really exist.
In the closet, you are worse off than dead. Because in the closet, you ain't even really there.

Yes, you can say, easy for you to say Lesley.
But, no, it wasn't any easier for me than for anyone else.
I might have lost everyone, might have lost all my family.
You don't get to know the results of coming out before you risk it.
Canada is not free of transgender people committing suicide from fear that is common to all of us.
I had to risk it all, to get to here.

I came VERY close to ending it all more than once.
My transition hasn't been full of fear. But it sure was scary as hell some days.
And that even after the surgery eh.
This year, I started to gain ground. But during January and February, I suffered some severe depressive moments.

I have kept fighting.
My inner glow has been my best weapon.
My smile is worn on the outside. It comes from the inside.
I am a lot more than the image you see on your screen.
Most of my compliments have nothing to do with my external appearances.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Sep 20, 2018 5:55 pm

Angelic wrote:Interesting sentiment. I just don't see it that way.

There are people, who are born physically beautiful, who are very ugly on the inside, and yet they get all the popularity, and compliments, sex, money, and dates.

And there are people, born kind, nice, forgiving, who become physically ugly, and treated rotten by society, not only because of their looks but because, they don't fit it, they don't relate to the customs or social norms of the group, they don't have anyone to relate to, and over time, they become ugly, both inside and out. And its a bit like gravity, once you fall past a certain point, you have no desire to be good, or nice, again.

Not denying you your right to an opinion, just noting, that you clearly failed to read my post with any form of clarity or comprehension. I could refute every point you made, but, there are none so blind as those that don't wish to see. You have no desire to be anything else. And as you are, you shall remain, until you decide to change.

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:30 pm

Lesley Niyori wrote:Today's thought.

If you is ugly on the inside, you WILL be ugly on the outside.
Maybe what you are trying to say is that an inner ugliness eventually shows through.

Sometimes Exclamation

Most people are NOT outwardly ugly. Ugliness depends upon the scale used, but regardless of the measure most people are attractive, at least to some portion of the population.

By most accounts, Ted Bundy was an attractive male. (I won't use the appellation of man because he was a misanthrope). Yet Bundy during a very ugly killing spree murdered countless numbers of women and girls.

When I was around 12, I was briefly in the same school with a student named John Bunyard. We were actually friends for a time and I went over to his house for lunch a couple of times. Bunyard is now serving several life sentences for the acts he committed as the 'Nob Hill Rapist'. I don't recall him being ugly, at least initially. But to agree somewhat with your premise, he did show an ugliness early on when one school period he literally wiped the gymnasium floor with two physical education teachers until the police arrived to subdue him and take him into custody. Mind you, he was physically attractive enough for me to want to be friends. But his eventual display of social ugliness does not prove your premise, only sometimes.

Most sociopaths and psychopaths hide their inner ugliness in a way that allows them to function in society. Most socio/psychopaths are physically attractive and make friends easily. But sometimes their ugliness will show through - sometimes.

So, I challenge the basic premise of yout 'thought for the day'.

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Thu Sep 20, 2018 11:49 pm

Hi Everyone!

Lesley, you know. What you are saying is, people that are horrible, however good looking are ugly. Yes, in this day and age, people have too much social media and stuff to understand what is ugly inside. They don't read the blaggard, the cad, the loser, the idiot anymore. That's why there is increasing divorce. True beauty exists within oneself, rather than without.

As others took you to mean physically though, the only time I think people change physically is after people have commited truly evil acts, then sometimes they begin to look evil. There was that famous American gigilo that looked real cool, but after killing a woman he looked evil and it's frustrating coz I can't remember his name, but I think it may just be true of evil people, which can be good or bad looking people
.
But I can read what you mean from a thousand yards..... I have known some so called Beautiful People that have been far from beautiful personalities and they did not change as they aged. On the other hand, I know some obese, and some unfortunate looking folk that are the nicest people upon God's Earth and they have grown older with me.

In my youth, I was fickle, I went with nice looking guys and yes of course to some degree I still take first impressions and yes, I would like the tall handsome one with niceness abounds.... xcept all those men of my age were spoken for years ago! A guy that has a big heart, goodness about him and truly likes, and then falls in loves me does not have to be Mr. Superbical looking, he can be quite plain, large and reasonably not handsome. I guess I'd give him a go.

Celia xx

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Fri Sep 21, 2018 1:53 am

I suppose part of the thing, is what actually defines 'beauty'?

We are all conditioned to believe 'beautiful' is something Barbie or Ken doll looking.
But that's so western And North American.
In some cultures, fat means you eat well and are better off. That's considered 'attractive'.

Myself, I consider a great mind to be incredibly appealing.
Myself, I consider great skill to be incredibly appealing.

A kindness of spirit I think exudes from a person. It's like makeup. It just makes them look nicer.

I'm not easily swayed by superficial details.
I have a great many friends, and it isn't because of my looks.
The woman I'm in love with, she's no Playboy centrefold either.
But I think she's beautiful to me.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sun Sep 23, 2018 2:24 pm

"You are asking me to be a Dr. Frankenstein, putting plastic surgery on my body to rectify Nature's tyranny."

No, I'm asking you to stop the endless whiny bitching and complaining, and the endless never-ending oh woe is me crap that we tired of some time ago.

Guess what, we've all been there, some of us are still there, some are even worse off than you, and guess what, they don't act like you.

Do something, or don't, but stop the blame game. And the moment, I'm willing to suggest you are as much your problem as anything else.

Nature's tyranny, oh please. You've gotten old, boring, please contribute something other than more of the same crap.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Tue Sep 25, 2018 4:51 pm

"You were no different but once you got yours you pretend you were different."

Bullshit, utter bullshit, total bullshit, so many levels of bullshit.

Dear, you have been nothing but negative. Entirely negative, in addition to having almost no connection to the real world.

Yeah, sometimes I post about being upset. Not always, not entirely. I've posted a great deal of really fun nice stuff. You, not so.

I have you on block, mainly because when I read a thread with you on it, the thread scrolls past your content faster. But, everyone that doesn't have you blocked, well, I'd rather like that your content just would end to be honest.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:13 pm

"Your definition of fun is rather different than mine. Most of your posts are an absolute snoozefest, a total bore like your videos.

It is no wonder you have no interest in reading my exciting and entertaining posts, your definition of "fun" is as dry as an old textbook.

Also, I used to play Hearthstone, but got bored of it, it is pretty much an unbalanced pay to win game. The only time its fun for me is during the tavern brawls, because people aren't allowed to use their special decks."

You REALLY truly ARE just a belligerent little brat in the end aren't ya.
I've never met someone that defines 'fun' the way you do.
Your opinion of my content, is fortunately not the majority.

Exciting and entertaining? Really. How about angry, bitter, and psychopathic and disassociated from reality.

I can see how you might not enjoy Hearthstone. It's not all about you. It requires you to actually try and work to be better. I've never spent a cent on the game, and I routinely kick butt all based on the fact I'm actually just good at the game.
The game is actually entirely well balanced, unlike you, of course, You might be a lot of things, but balanced, sure doesn't describe you.

I don't care what you look like on the outside dear, you sure look dreadful on the inside.
You likely are not even remotely as bad off as you think.
But you sure like the bitch like no one has it as bad as you.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Wed Sep 26, 2018 6:45 pm

"I used to play Hearthstone everyday. And I would always lose to people who had better cards than me."

Doesn't surprise me at all. You are likely inadequate in every last aspect of your life (well, so you claim, so I can't be blamed for thinking it).

I don't measure the worth of my videos based on the views. Almost no one knows they are there. But I have made no effort to whore myself out for them.

I won't miss you dear. But, there's nothing to miss.
You are just an anime avatar and a made up name belonging to a miserable pathetic whiney Amercian teenager.

I'm not even in a hurry to even count you among the transgender community actually.
There's no reason to think you are trans. You could just be a hateful cis with a persecution complex.
You have more in common with argumentative troll.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Sep 27, 2018 4:09 pm

Angelic wrote:
Lesley Niyori wrote:"I used to play Hearthstone everyday. And I would always lose to people who had better cards than me."

Doesn't surprise me at all. You are likely inadequate in every last aspect of your life (well, so you claim, so I can't be blamed for thinking it).

I don't measure the worth of my videos based on the views. Almost no one knows they are there. But I have made no effort to whore myself out for them.

I won't miss you dear. But, there's nothing to miss.
You are just an anime avatar and a made up name belonging to a miserable pathetic whiney Amercian teenager.

I'm not even in a hurry to even count you among the transgender community actually.
There's no reason to think you are trans. You could just be a hateful cis with a persecution complex.
You have more in common with argumentative troll.

Okay, I am done with you. You are dead to me. I used to love you, but not anymore.

In fact if I read in the obituary tomorrow that you were dead, it would actually make me feel slightly good inside.

I hate you, and wish you were never born.

Ordinarily that would bother me, but, you've NEVER loved me, in fact, you've never loved anything, yourself included. You are nothing but hate. Your posts, and nothing but hate.

I'm incapable of really hating you dear, but, then again, you've never existed to me. You're just an anime avatar and a fake name and someone just so full of bitterness and misery and really, it's boring.

I'm aware some can't be out, but frankly, that justification simply isn't going to float here. This is a safe space, and yet, it's not good enough for you.
There's no one here but a few transgender people here, but, that's not good enough for you.
You're not being of any use to me here, and frankly, I didn't come here to be inundated with your negativity.
The sooner the rest of the membership gets tired of you the better.
I've asked Celia to turf you, and I'm willing to wait till she does.

I'm not taking anything you just posted as personal dear, but, that's something that only happens when it's done by a real person. You are not even a real person at this point.
Just a faked persona that doesn't really belong here.
You have nothing in common with anyone here at all.

Do us a favour, and just go away.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Fri Sep 28, 2018 4:09 pm

In the real world, you'd realize, I was never your friend, no you were never mine.

In love with me at one point in time? Hmm, I'll pass.

Enjoy your next forum.

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Post  Michi on Wed Dec 26, 2018 5:35 am

Angelic sounds like Demon

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:49 am

...and neither (they are the same, BTW) has posting privileges anymore - maybe sometime in the future is she can control her outbursts.

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Wed Dec 26, 2018 2:26 pm

Hi Miki and Michi!

The ban was imposed by Beth until midnight 31st December 2018. It was clear that they should not answer each others posts and both were given fair warnings. The ban shall double each time it occurs, that is if they wish to return of course and both mods have my clearance to impose bans for infringements of the rules, found on the introduction page. I wlll support Miki and Beth to the hilt. Rebecca is a rare visitor, but she too has the ability to ban.

I don't like barring people, particularly two of our most regular members. They need to understand though, should these boards be viewed by transgender women and men as being a hotbed of flame, they will most likely not wish to join. We have to co-operate, we have plenty of people that dislike us. Disagreement is fine, we encourage strong discussion about anything.

Bans, (I am not directing this at anyone, just reminding,) will be considered for personal attacks, calling vulnerable people out, asking for photos, proposing dates, sexual innuendo and insults directed at other members.. they all are unacceptable.

There is good reason for all of these prohibitions, not least internet protection for individuals, preserving the boards integrity and protecting vulnerable members from being hurt by personal attack. Celia xx

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