Poll: What is you preference?

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What are and was your preference?

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Mon Oct 15, 2018 1:25 pm

Hi Everyone on the old boards we had a poll started about sexual preference and how some people's preference had actually changed after HRT. I thought it would be a good idea to reopen the poll! So what is yours? Anyone can vote!

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Mon Oct 15, 2018 2:56 pm

I voted used to be women, now both, but, in truth, I think I am the option not listed, demisexual.

As explained to me by my fiance, demisexuals are not attracted to a gender, but, to a person.
So that makes me a D'arcy sexual actually Smile

D'arcy is a pansexual polyamorous person. She's currently a pre-op transgender woman.
She's had plenty of variations of partner and has had more than one partner at a time.

And now, she finds herself coping with wondering if she really wants anyone else other than me Smile
I have essentially shown her something she herself has not experienced. I guess we are that compatible.

In bed, I thought "OMG I need a man", but since I have been with D'arcy, her being a woman has made me completely discard my man obsession. Sure, I might not mind playing with one, but, that's all. I can see D'arcy and me inviting a man to our bed, using him and then telling him, "that was fun, you can go now."

We are both very much in love though, and I think neither of us has felt this much in love before.

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Mon Oct 15, 2018 6:06 pm

My preference pre-Miki was a woman (and specifically the woman I chose to live out my life with). She mostly accepts me and that is my current preference.

If my marriage was to be terminated for some reason, I would live the rest of my life without a sexual partner. Would still like a close friend and my choice would be a woman.

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Post  Jehanne on Thu Oct 18, 2018 4:03 am

I consider myself to be 60% female, 30% male, 10% guilt. (Or, in other words, 30% male, 70% female.)

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Fri Oct 19, 2018 12:47 am

Well, thank you girls for responding to my liccle poll! I fully understand guilt Jehanne, I have lived with feelings of guilt, vulnerability and plenty of failed relationships all my life through and I have always been treated like a doormat coz it's how I am. My hope, my everlasting sense of optimism and my happiness with my sexuality has also been strong throughout my fairly complicated life, else I don't know how I would have survived. 10% guilt? I used to have lots more, but I have to admit, now it's very much lower and mainly coz of feelings towards Mother. She always wanted a daughter and now she has one. Sure, she accepts me, but all I get is criticism. I see her regular these days after many years apart..

The poll shall last 100 days, it is a setting I deliberately chose, for it gives newcomers a chance to let us all know a little bit more about them and their life. I am certain that I am not a complete freak, in being the only one here that has always liked men and also wishes to retain my special little thingy until I die.

Why not simply have remained an effeminate gay man, you may well ask? Answer: I simply am not a man. It has always been like this for me, were I to become the 'complete' woman, I immediately lose that specialtyness, the mystique, the exotic and erotic many men like. I become the mundane, maybe just an old uninteresting bat to most men. I lose an amazing advantage over cis women and I would perhaps not strive so very hard to try and look my very, very best at all times.

That is not to pooh pooh those of you that have undergone or considering SRS, it is my outlook and that outlook is sure not unique to me.

I also fully understand Miki's post quite well. My very best friends are cis women and were I to enter a purely platonic relationship, it would be with a woman, I have little doubt of that. We are, as I always said, complicated and every human is different. Please don't slay me for being different to you, understanding each other is something we can all learn from. Celia xx

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Post  mariehart1 on Fri Oct 19, 2018 2:20 pm

I put in always both but in truth it varies back and forth. In the early years I always preferred girls nevertheless my first and still ongoing crush was a boy in my class. Also my first ever sexual experience was with a man. I was of course presenting as a woman for him. That was age 31.

If my sexuality was on trial in a court of law I think I would be found guilty of being gay. The majority of my encounters were with men, just one woman appears in my defence.Smile But it's not as if I wasn't attracted to women but they weren't interested in me. Which was odd because I was actually good looking. But my relationship with girls was invariably platonic until I got married and even that relationship while loving is celibate. I remember getting on particularly well with one girl and was close to actually making the next step and ask her out when she realised my interest was more than friendship. Her obvious surprise spoke volumes. I retreated mortified.

Looking back now I realise that perhaps women sensed it in me. Indeed perhaps they simply thought I was gay and in the closet. In fact a gay guy did try and get me interested but I missed all the signals. So he saw it too.

I get what you're saying Celia,
I immediately lose that specialness, the mystique, the exotic and erotic many men like.
. I've met several men over the years including the first guy I mentioned above. I met him fully dressed but had to change to go home and he insisted he didn't want to see me as male and put me in the back of his car so he wouldn't. The same with the last guy I met plus a couple of others. So I get it. I'm not sure that those kind of men are exactly relationship material but they were always nice to me. They used me for sex though of course. But I wanted to use them too to affirm myself as a woman.


Myself I want rid of my 'special little thingy', donate it to someone who might get better use of it. Very Happy But I'm stuck with it unless imagining it away ever works. I wrote about recently how I spent the entire weekend as myself. When I had to change back into pretending to be a man. I noted it has shrunk to the smallest state I've ever seen. I think he was worried. Chop, chop.


I do feel that if I was ever to undergo SRS my preference would be men but I will always remain open to both. I am perhaps demisexual to use Leyley's new word. It's the person that comes first. I suppose that's why I'm with my wife. I wonder really did I ever find her sexually attractive. I love her though.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Fri Oct 19, 2018 3:26 pm

In all of my transition, the hardest part has been feeling 'unwanted'. Marie, there's more to the day, MUCH more in fact, than sexual moments.

Even after the surgery, being alone is what it is. You will STILL feel horrible after surgery if you have no one. I'm very happy for you that your wife has remained. I'd rather be pre-op and in a relationship, than post-op and alone. Well, I'm not fully sure of that statement, to be honest. That thing so totally had to go. But I was still very much hurting from feelings of rejection a year past the surgery.

The surgery is vital to some of us, but being alone always hurts intensely for a lot of us too.

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Post  mariehart1 on Fri Oct 19, 2018 4:49 pm

Yes Lesley, I was alone long enough to know I didn't like it much.

In a funny way I have got exactly what I wanted all along. Even though I didn't recognise this is what I wanted. Here I am effectively living the traditional female role. A housewife with young children. I cook, I clean and look after the house. I don't have a job which is no great loss as I hated most of my jobs and preferred to be at home. I have women friends and my wife is a good provider. What's not to like?

But I desperately want to transition, live openly as a woman. But I jeopardise all of the above by doing that. I might end up alone, a pariah even. I am not a survivor. I wouldn't cope well in that scenario.

Ideally I would transition and continue as before except now everyone would call me Marie. That is not impossible but it's unlikely. I think it's a common enough dilemma for many of us. Do we risk what we have to achieve what we need?

Yes it might be better not to transition than to lose what I have. Perhaps if my wife was more open to it. There might be a compromise.

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Post  Jehanne on Sat Oct 20, 2018 11:44 am

Celia Eriksson wrote:Well, thank you girls for responding to my liccle poll! I fully understand guilt Jehanne, I have lived with feelings of guilt, vulnerability and plenty of failed relationships all my life through and I have always been treated like a doormat coz it's how I am. My hope, my everlasting sense of optimism and my happiness with my sexuality has also been strong throughout my fairly complicated life, else I don't know how I would have survived. 10% guilt? I used to have lots more, but I have to admit, now it's very much lower and mainly coz of feelings towards Mother. She always wanted a daughter and now she has one. Sure, she accepts me, but all I get is criticism. I see her regular these days after many years apart.. Celia xx

A little message board humor on my part, but, I, too, am full of guilt, which, apparently, some biological men do not feel much of.

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Post  Anna Mull on Fri Oct 26, 2018 6:24 am

So far, I've only dated bisexual women. I think that's interesting, in hindsight.

I'm not attracted to men. Since discovering that I'm trans* and accepting it, I started avoiding romantic relationships; I'm currently presenting as male, and it feels wrong and disingenuous. I've turned down quite a few advances from women (to the point where some of my co-workers think I have a thing for dudes  Laughing), and I haven't dated in years. The possibility of them finding me attractive because of my male charade is a huge turn off and confidence destroyer. As a result, I have virtually no sex drive (although gender dysphoria in general contributes to this). So, in a way, I'm asexual... at least for the time being. However, when I transition 'full-time', I'm certain that I'll start dating other women again. It'll be as frightening as it is exciting.

So, to summarize, I'm asexual until I transition (physically and socially). When that happens, I'm lesbian. Although limited in options, I guess that it's a good thing that the poll is multiple choice.

HRT most likely won't change who I'm attracted to, but it will give me confidence and allow me to honestly pursue romantic relationships.
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Post  Abby on Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:05 pm

Something I havr been trying to deal with lately. I guess always visually attracted to women, but always been attracted to the mind of the person first before wanting to make the beast with two backs. As for guys? Don't know, I could see the fun to be had, that's for sure. But umm, not meet one who baked my biscket so to speak. I generally don't like being in a room with guys any way, always found it werid. Still it's all accademic as married, and she's happy to use the "toy" box when the mood takes me. What I have noticed since starting HRT my sexual preference has shifted from being a top 90% of the time to now wanting to be bottom 90% of the time. So very much a game of her turn my turn sort of thing. Still finding things difficult to finish though.

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Post  Abby on Thu Nov 01, 2018 4:11 pm

Bisket, a British for cookie type snack which you can dunk etc.
Umm, perhaps i use the term differently. By bottom I mean I prefer to have my prostate stimulated by anal, rather than sexual stimulation by using my willy. Nothing to do with dominate or submissness in the way I see it.

Try not to see at as a mental illness, it's just being picky on who you hook up with. I have a friend who claims he slept with around a hundred women. ( Girls fall into his arms, it's a personality thing rather than looks. And he does seem to have a away with certain types of women.) But he can't form a stable relationship, were as another male friend has only had one partner on his life and married her. He is not religious, just found being in the bedroom difficult. He was in his early 30s before he meet his wife.
Just don't beat yourself up over sex. It's just 10 mins of physical exercise followed by endorphin release. If life is hot chocolate, then sex is the toping wether your into marshmallows or whipped cream or even both with extra sprinkles.




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To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Nov 01, 2018 4:46 pm

My sister is drop dead gorgeous. No really, she's the sort of person the phrase was meant for.

At 54 she's still able to easily outdo girls 20 years younger. 20 somethings have nothing on her other than maybe having babies.

And at 54, she's still single and has no luck with men at all it seems (well aside from attracting the wrong ones).

All her life, her appearance has essentially made the deck seem stacked in her favour.

I was married 27 years, and with luck, I'll beat that record with D'arcy.

And I most assuredly don't have my sister's looks. I do have something she doesn't have though. Just not sure what it is.

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Post  Anna Mull on Fri Nov 02, 2018 4:40 am

This might sound like I'm contradicting myself, but I've at least entertained the idea of being bisexual. I'm not physically attracted to men, but I have an easier time bonding with trans* people, regardless of gender. Trans* men are more appealing than cis men because they are more relatable; we're two sides of the same coin. Conversely, trans* women are more desirable to me than cis women for the same reason: the trans* experience.

I'm quite content with being single, but if/when I start dating again, I'm most likely to be with another trans* person, preferably a woman, because that's what I've always been physically attracted to at least. Though trans* folk in general, regardless of gender, are easier to hang around and form bonds with. So I don't know if I can completely count out trans* men even though the physical attraction isn't there.

This is so hard to explain. Laughing
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Post  Lesley Niyori on Fri Nov 02, 2018 1:58 pm

Not Strange at all Anna.

Oh, I was soooo positive I wanted the cliche out of my romance novels.

Everyone has heard my constant blatherings about men.

And then reality sets in. "Ordinary hetero men", simply ain't ready for a transgender woman regardless of how supportive and ally like they might be, they grew up in a world where we weren't.

The ONLY men I have dated, were either considering me a gay man for a gay relationship, or chasers looking for a weird experience. I've yet to actually date a single honest to god ordinary hetero man.

The love of my life, my fiance, is as transgender female as me. Is still pre-op, wants to be post-op like me as soon as doable. We are both women, so I guess that means I've entered into a lesbian relationship. Neeeeeever saw that coming. My fiance claims to be both polyamorous and polysexual, and yet, she says she's now wondering if that was serious, as she only wants me now.

Anyway, the bottom line here is, you likely are correct, that you might only wish to consider another transgender person for an intimate relationship simply as only we can know what it's like.

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