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No one escapes dysphoria

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No one escapes dysphoria Empty No one escapes dysphoria

Post  Lesley Niyori on Wed Oct 17, 2018 6:25 pm

Ok, if you wish to disagree, so be it. I won't be objecting to your disagreeing, and you'll still be wrong Smile

Dysphoria (or whatever term is invented say in 6 months time), is something we as transgender people simply don't get to walk away from.

I've met transgender girls that are soooo damned good looking, but, remember, they're still transgender girls. Kim Petras, a pop singer and someone I so wish I could be like. But let's face it, she still wakes up a transgender girl. No uterus, no ovaries, and she will never get to have a baby.

Maybe that weighs on her.

I think I'm attractive in my own way. I know I can look in the mirror though, and before I get dressed and done up for going out the front door, I simply don't have what cisgender girls take for granted.

There is no day when all of this disappears entirely. It's always there a bit.

No one totally escapes from dysphoria.

My fiance woke this morning, feeling really unhappy. She had experienced some bad dreams overnight. It hit her in her dysphoria. I can try and comfort her, but, in the end, I can't make her dysphoria totally go away.

I love her totally, but, even her knowing she has a fiance has limits when it comes to dysphoria.

The only defence against it is a willingness to not tolerate it.
Refuse to listen to the voice in your head.
Actively tell it to drop dead.
You are only as beautiful as you are willing to let yourself be.

If you are suffering from dysphoria, and listening to that voice, and unwilling to accept the words of support from others, well, there's really nothing else we can do for you.

Dysphoria is a problem though for all of us.
I don't suggest anyone indulge in anyone that has elected to wallow in it like a mud bath.
I seek out only the positive.
You can't make negativity cease to exist.
But you don't have to hang out with it and offer it a place in your life as if it was welcome.

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I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
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No one escapes dysphoria Empty Re: No one escapes dysphoria

Post  mariehart1 on Thu Oct 18, 2018 10:57 pm

Don't know why anyone would disagree with you as you speak the truth. If you're trans you know of what you speak.

I suppose I was gender dysphoric from an early age but had no means of understanding what was going on. I knew something was wrong early on. Why was I different? Back in the late sixties, early seventies of course as a young pubescent child. I had no idea what was going on.

Aged eleven or twelve I did have access to British Sunday tabloids here in Ireland, so I knew about 'sex changes'. Despite what many think the British red top was sympathetic to us in part because we made a good story. But the story didn't fit with my experience. Invariably the early transitioners had a good story. They 'knew' from an early age they were born in the wrong body. I don't blame them given the times but for me who didn't 'know' from an early age. I just didn't know and my desire to be a girl, to wear girl's clothes didn't fit with the narrative. I just decided I was a pervert because I like to dress as a girl. I should point out that there was no sex involved other than arousal which further confirmed my perversion. But I fervently wished to God every night that I would wake up tomorrow morning as a girl.

I could go on but it was dypshoria.

So I rationalised it and called myself a transvestite even though I knew. It was always a case of a real sense of something, a sense of loss, an aching sense of something missing. An ache I couldn't cure, an itch I couldn't scratch.

Then I accepted it and finally embraced it.

But I won't transition despite the waves of dysphoria. I can't in part because I have young boys to bring up. Ok I'm not your typical Father, I cry too much for one thing and I don't go out to work. I'm a housewife. That's my latest excuse for not transitioning.


The dysphoria never goes away. Then there's the guilt. I was born male, so why can't I be male. I know I can't. Then you have the haters, we are the only minority left people can hate. So I feel guilty for being trans, after all don't I enjoy male privilege, lucky me. Didn't we all? At least according to a well regarded British feminist, a Dame no less, who said we cannot be real women because we 'enjoyed the benefits of male privilege in our early years'. The TERFs like to point out how we can never be 'real' women as if that was a revelation to us. We know, God knows we know better than anyone. No we weren't sexually harassed, never menstruated can never have children. We know, we know. I feel guilty, we all do.

But the dysphoria never goes away. The sadness, it is sadness Dysphoria is sadness. Sadness that we can never really be the person we are even if the world was a beacon of acceptance. Even if being trans was celebrated and embraced. We can never be ourselves.


Dysphoria has no cure.

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Post  Lenneth on Sat Oct 20, 2018 3:11 am

Perhaps not, but it can at least be lessened.
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Post  Tara on Sat Oct 20, 2018 3:56 am

I find that generally, just when I think to myself that I'm feeling pretty good, and that dysphoria isn't really a thing, and I can ignore it, and make it go away, and I can get along just fine--that's when it hits me. Wham! And maybe I spin, and recover pretty quickly, but maybe I crash into a blubbering mess. Or maybe I recover, and then crash anyway.

Yeah, it's real. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know it's real for me.

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~*~ Tara

"Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see." — Edgar A. Poe
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Post  Supreme_Pizza on Sat Feb 15, 2020 9:48 pm

I dunno.

I had to do that whole 2 year in drag deal for the hormones. Talk about dysphoric. It taught me one thing though, if I put my mind to it I clean up nice. However, now I'm not so much dysphoric, I just see it as... I don't see the point in going through all that effort today. I'm still the same on the inside.

I feel like maybe accepting being trans-non-binary was maybe perfect for me and the dysphoria stopped when I stopped trying to be something else and was just me. I did have to go through HRT to get there though. That was a personal decision that I don't regret.

I would agree that the dysphoria never goes away, outside of some kind of brain trauma. However we can choose to do things that make us feel more comfortable. That sometimes causes difficult social situations.

Trying to explain it without being pg-13.
I could get up right now from the laptop, get dolled up and go grind the night away on a dance floor. Nothing stopping me right? Pick your favorite app.

Come Monday, I'll be throwing on some oxfords or wingtips and headed off to work.
Still with me?

Or I could sit here completely naked, eating ice cream, watching Locke & Key, typing.

Doesn't matter to me. I'm trans no matter what I put on.

Dysphoria gone? Hell no, I still have T poisoning.

So I'm non-binary and present as male in most social situations and my dysphoria is 96% manageable. Could I say that without a B cup? No chance and I will stop you if you try to touch my wig.

Making sense or stupid?

I guess I'm trying to say, that you are in fact, without a doubt right.

I just need to point out that without the dysphoria we would never go out on this path of self discovery and actualization.

So the dysphoria is not bad, you should listen to it. Please, your happiness and possibly your life depend on you listening to what is inside.

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Sat Feb 15, 2020 10:54 pm

Hi SP,

Have to agree with a lot you say here, particularly the last two paragraphs. Embrace it, do not allow it to depress you.

It is indeed a driving force. Think of it as your Guardian Angel pushing you, nudging you, reminding you.

In my case, and sorry to be always me, me, me, …. but that is how I can explain.

For why? Because for me it is always ongoing with a never ending number of regimes in place and always being open to new ones.... Further, with many procedures conquered and some others ongoing and three or four still required.

I will not stop, and probably will be off dancing upon this earth before I feel totally satisfied. There is only one I won't do and those that know me know which one that is.

But, I am happy. And I revel in my happiness as to being who I am. I have always felt so. If it 'all' has been given a scientific name, so be it. I don't really care for it, for it is just a word. I just do what I do and am who I am. I am content, that's enough for me.

Celia xx


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No one escapes dysphoria Mtm  No one escapes dysphoria Ancestralnewhomeandrespectednations-2No one escapes dysphoria Kickitout                                                          
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Post  Supreme_Pizza on Mon Feb 17, 2020 3:09 pm

A guardian angel that never sleeps and won't go away.

Inconvenient at best, definitely annoying, and horribly rude & invasive.

I'm so much more than my gender but dysphoria is persistent and overbearing.
I can understand not wanting to accept it. I had all kinds of trouble with acceptance.
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Post  Celia Eriksson on Mon Feb 17, 2020 10:45 pm

Bless you honey.

No one escapes dysphoria Cartoonyme

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No one escapes dysphoria Mtm  No one escapes dysphoria Ancestralnewhomeandrespectednations-2No one escapes dysphoria Kickitout                                                          
Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow.
Mary Tyler Moore (1936-2017).
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Post  CarolynAH on Tue Feb 18, 2020 7:16 am

Dysphoria, beauty, self esteem, community. Do I wish I never had to fight for this womanhood. Yes. Do I wake up and feel crushed by my shortcomings? No. I fight anxiety, self doubt, and loneliness like every other queer woman on the planet. But I am no matter my dress a woman and I don't need anyone to validate me in that I have torn the chains from around my heart and freed the person I had mistakenly tried to protect out of fear within. I am not less than for my dissatisfaction. It is a point of will. My girlfriend fights debilitating pain and a brain than many would see as off balance or broken, deals with doctors who don't see her as a person all the time even as they praise her for beating the odds. What I see is strength and an amazing heart behind those eyes and yet no matter how much I feel for her I know I will be able to get back up even if we broke up. I was born a woman no matter what others think they saw or I let them believe, now I fight to be a better me. Dysphoria like the decades of emotional beat downs to my self worth does not define me. But remain as scars that I keep as reminders of who I was not who I am. You are right they will never fully fade.

I know I have been fortunate beyond words which is why I dislike praise from anyone. So please try to believe that you are a beautiful person and worth fighting for. Being trans, dysphoric, man, woman, or enby is not the totality of you. Don't let those simple words or the things people connect to them ever chain your heart or diminish the person you see in the mirror each day. Meditate, feel these things flowing through and out of you but not as a part of you and honor them as you can.



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