The such of it

So I was thinking about that crossdresser coder who got a sex change and died at age 50 and then wrote a paper regretting it. They said getting a sex change ruined their life. They said they thought getting a sex change would give them more attention, but it never gave them attention. And that in public they were viewed as a freak and could never feel comfortable in public anymore.

I will tell you what ruins lives. Having a potato as a computer. Because as I was typing this, it froze for 10 seconds. Great way to start off my day.

Personally, being born male has ruined my life. Not immediately but as a poisonous exponential curve. After around puberty I started getting mood issues. I was cool with being horny 24/7. But after around age 15 was when the shit started to hit the fan. That was when I started to view life as being more shitty than good. And it all started to go downhill from there, like gravity.

Changing your genitals has pros and cons. The first is you dont have to go to a male prison. In terms of sex, personally I find masturbating as a male a bore and hollow. Although I've never got to have proper sex with a female. Except for blow jobs. So I need to know what that feels like before I get my sex change.

I've been wrestling with kids. Like I hate my life and suicidal, so why would I want to bring another kid in this world to suffer like me? But at the same time, I want to have kids, like a lineage and legacy. But I don't know if my depression has made me sterile. Because my sperm count always looks low or nonexistent. I think depression does more damage to sperm count than female hormones ever could.

But I have no love life or social life as a male. So how could a sex change ruin your life. Although I make female profiles. Which get no attention. But people know they aren't real. Because most of the people I add know me from real life. And they know I'm male. So as a male I get no romantic attention. And I can't find any gamer friends. Its fucked up because all the people who are gamers are stuck up bitches who dont want to be my friend.

Then there's the such of it. 2 things. Not passing as a female. That crossdresser did not pass as a female. So I think that gave them some bias against transitioning. Thus I think being stealth is important. If you dont pass then Idk. You are in the same boat as me. But I think all transsexuals have that problem. Of feeling uncomfortable in public. So idk. It's kind of damned if you do, damned if you don't. Because if you are born male you are inherently doomed to a shitty life of sexual frustration and no attention.

The other thing is, dying at age 50. I think their body was incompatible with hormones. So could it be that some mtfs just dont have the body chemistry to be healthy when on hormones.