Sharing my bottom surgery

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Post  CarolynAH on Wed Nov 28, 2018 11:30 pm

Some surgical descriptions follow... be careful.

Out of the blue my company added transgender care to our insurance this year... that little bit broke the last bits of what was holding me back.  After checking with some girls both local and online and sticking to west coast surgeons I ended with Dr. Ley who works with and in Dr. Meltzer's office in Scottsdale, AZ.  Most of the information I found was about Dr. Meltzer but Dr. Ley had far better availability, was clearly competent, and a transwoman which was nice.

The first phase of my surgery happened October 23.  What their office calls vaginoplasty. To be followed if I want by a labiaplasty in six months (scheduled for March 27).  Basically at this point I have no clitoral hood and limited to no inner labia.  To them this is important as everyone's skin and body reacts differently and to get the most natural and healthy results giving the body and blood flow time to recover on the major bits helps and the second phase gives them a chance to do revisions on those parts if necessary.   I don't know but their careful approach appealed to my anxieties over this which was my first major surgery for anything.   And Dr. Ley was while still very much a surgeon understanding and often more patient with my questions.  (We had an amusing conversation about life with dilators as I looked at my kit and was like dilator #4 no way!  She was like you will see you had plenty of "material" to work with and I was able to get you more than many. Look at me I am smaller than you and have been at a #4 for awhile and am looking to go to a #5 which has to be ordered. My eyes went wide as I looked at the #4 imagined #5 and was like oh goodness!)  

Am I happy I did it?  Maybe,  like right now I am worried about developing a UTI.  But it is difficult to tell because sensation is still hard to fully localize and most of what I think I am feeling is my clitorus annoyed with having stitches still and the stitches around the urethra finally going away leaving sensitive skin behind.  It is fascinating you talk to men and loosing their penis sounds like a the worst sort of death sentence imaginable and having grown up in that space I sit here with a Tolkienesque "I am no man" satisfaction as I thrust a sword deep into the ghostly remains of my masculinity.


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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Nov 29, 2018 12:54 am

An interesting read as I am post-op since May 2017 now, and I'm only just now doing some things.
Granted, some things don't just happen, even if you'd like it to happen.

My mentor said "you will NOT engage in sex earlier than 6 months" to me, and she sure meant it.
I'd suggest you heed that. Explore, but keep the men out of your new vagina. Your clitoris, likely will not be 'interested' for quite a while. I was told not to expect anything for a year.

Most of your first month sounded similar. But I am unsure if your vaginoplasty was an identical methodology to mine. I had all the options in one surgery down there. I didn't need to return. I also had breast augmentation. Nothing like being totally sore on the first day eh.

Dilating is a chore. I was told 4 times a day for 3 months. Heck, just twice a day seems intrusive. A year later, and it will be as fun as the housework. It never ends up feeling like sex. And yeah, I had a 2/3/4 set, and 2 seemed 'ordinary size' 3 was 'large' and 4 to me was "I ain't interested in a man that big. I don't even want to think about a 5.

If you go on YouTube, Jessie Gender (she's one of us), has the best take on new vaginas and orgasms. I recommend it. Watch it where the dialogue won't be shared though hehe.

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Post  CarolynAH on Thu Nov 29, 2018 5:16 am

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Nov 29, 2018 12:22 pm

I had my bottom surgery done in Montreal by Dr Pierre Brassard. Busy guy as he does most of Canada it seems Smile He certainly has had the practice eh Smile

My BA was done there as well. Almost no evidence it was done (which is what ya wants). I went with a modest increase. Could have gone larger. But when he asked me "so how big do you want to be?" I replied with, "well, I'd like it if my bra was filled with just me finally."

One thing I learned early enough on, is to accept that while boobs are mainly for the observer, it's a rare woman that doesn't wish to be observed eh. At the beginning of my transition, I thought a lot of stupid thoughts. In the very beginning, I actually wondered what the big deal was about bathrooms. Little did I realize, eventually I will look like a female, and NO, it would not matter if I could still pee standing, the men's room is not for women. I simply had to learn the basic realities of being female. And one of those basic realities, is women have boobs Smile If you don't have much to put in your bra, you'll learn soon enough, most woman's clothing fits and looks better if you have boobs worth mention. Yeah, sure, some women are flat. I would not want to be asked to locate 10 women that liked being flat though. I almost wish I had asked for a size bigger. Oh well, my fiance is always telling me how much she likes what I have Smile

I didn't get to 'enjoy' sex for about a year and a half. Which was mainly because A. I was avoiding it (entirely personal reasons, nothing to do with recovery), and B. I had no one interested in having it with me (I was not interested in masturbating, related to reason A here).

Even today, I don't seem to get a single thrill out of touching myself. I'd be worried if not for the fact, that my fiance is plenty able to convince me that something sure happens down there when SHE touches me. And the first time I encountered a vibrator down there (she was using it on me), I almost shot off the bed through the ceiling Smile But I'm wondering still "what does an orgasm actually feel like?" as I am not sure I have had one. I might have experienced one, and simply not realized it (yes, an odd sounding comment). The thing with male orgasms is it's hard to fake ejaculation eh.

Anyway, my mentor, also a transgender female that is post-op, told me she had penetrating vaginal sex at 3 months, and she got damaged as a result. Which is why she was so positive about just waiting on it. But my recovery instructions did mention it was a good idea to 'explore' myself after a few months. The thing with our vaginas is well, you've been already having 'penetration' since the beginning during dilation. So it's not that you can't put something in it, it is more like you need to be careful who is putting what in it and how enthusiastically it's being done.
The more you dilate, and the more often you dilate, and the larger the dilator you use, the more likely your vagina is going to be ready for a rambunctious partner I guess.

I should mention, I have not as of this time, had penetrating sex. And my fiance being female, I'm not expecting to do so much either.

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Post  CarolynAH on Thu Nov 29, 2018 2:13 pm

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Nov 29, 2018 3:37 pm

Yep, when I crossed that line into full acceptance and I was on HRT, I made the decision that sex just wasn't going to happen in any fashion where that thing was part of the picture.

It was utterly dysphoric.

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Post  Supreme_Pizza on Sun Mar 17, 2019 4:07 pm

Congratulations!

My first response was, "Pics or it didn't happen."

Then I thought it might come across insensitive since you don't know me.

I can do the pills, the hair, laser, electro, etc... Never ever is anyone coming at me with a knife. You're braver than I am.

I've thought long and hard (Ba ha) about FFS but makeup does wonders. I do see some implants in my future. I want D's so bad.

I'm always surprised when someone gets bottom surgery. I'd probably do it if I was younger though. Maybe...
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Post  CarolynAH on Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:58 pm

Well, pictures aren't happening. I have switched to a no public images of myself life and purged all online stores of my image before or after transition and have made a habit of not sharing selfies with anyone unless absolutely necessary. And am minimizing my online socialization as much as possible as I have found it personally draining.

To each their own on what you want from your transition. Bottom surgery is a life long commitment that there is no going back from. Which for me was exactly what I wanted. I didn't get it to have sex. It was to remove something from my life that I couldn't tolerate anymore. And good riddance.

As to other surgery for myself... I don't see FFS happening I can see that it might help but really I get treated well enough without any make-up and my gender almost never questioned despite my many challenges and to be frank I don't want the attention that being a more attractive woman might bring. As to breasts.. I am small for my age and size my mother was never terribly large so I don't expect much there ever. I have made a promise to myself to not do anything for at least a couple of years so as to not disrupt what is still growing. I am okay with being small but I admit that I want to be large enough to fit somewhere in the athletic side of normal for my own self confidence. Maybe something between a B or C on my 38 band. But that is all I am considering at this point beyond maybe some cool sculpting to eliminate some belly and back fat if I can't erase it myself.

So in a little over a week I will have my labiaplasty to complete my bottom surgery and after six weeks of recovery I can go back to my self discovery, exploration, and enjoyment phase of things. I wish I had someone to share it with but alas that was not to be. Though goodness I hate how having to be off hormones has me frisky for some reason my bi girlfriend and neighbor is so hard to not think about right now.
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Post  Lesley Niyori on Sun Mar 17, 2019 7:02 pm

I could post an image of my hoohaw, but, it's going to just look like a cisgender vagina (which is actually the reason for getting it done Smile ).

My fiance calls it my "designavagina."

I don't see it much (makes sense, I can't bend quite like that, and even sitting in the tub, well, it's the angle eh).

I once posed in front of a mirror on hands and knees while wearing a sexy nighty, and it was "holy shit, I've become porn." The reality is, the average cisgender male, won't really know he's fucking a transgender female if they don't tell the guy. Unless I talk to him Smile

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Post  CarolynAH on Sun Mar 17, 2019 7:44 pm

Meh, I see my bits all the time, because I am obsessive about post-op care and doing dilation. I don't think they look great mostly because it's not finished yet and is missing aspects. But I look female no doubt about that and am just starting to learn how to enjoy these bits.
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Post  Supreme_Pizza on Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:04 pm

No pics please.

I've seen the vids of the proceedure. Please take it easy.
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Post  CarolynAH on Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:58 pm

The only people who will ever see or touch my bits are the doctors and medical professionals helping with them, the rare person I trust enough to be that intimate with, and the people who will dispose of my corpse.
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Post  Celia Eriksson on Mon Mar 18, 2019 8:33 pm

CarolynAH wrote:The only people who will ever see or touch my bits are the doctors and medical professionals helping with them, the rare person I trust enough to be that intimate with, and the people who will dispose of my corpse.

This will win quote of the year!! Thank you Carolyn!!!!

Celia xx

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Post  CarolynAH on Mon Mar 18, 2019 9:29 pm

I am a bit moody being off hormones, dealing with a break up, and the nerves that always come before surgery. I am not ashamed of myself, my identity, or my girl bits. But I am very much a sensitive introvert and have no desire to draw any more attention to or solicit opinions of myself than is necessary. But at some point my old parts had to go to open the next door in my life and to put the old one behind me. As to the corpse thing. I mean it in the sense that I want to be gendered correctly as much as humanly possible and that includes when I am unable to speak for myself.
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Post  Celia Eriksson on Mon Mar 18, 2019 10:35 pm

Hi Carolyn,

Sorry if I caused offense and I totally respect every word dear Carolyn. I stupidly thought you were being ironic with comedy. Let's face it, life is hard enough, so a bit of fun in the face of adversity is good, so I hope you understand where my mislaid comment came from. Sorry honey.

I am also sorry about your break up, but as I remember you are one pretty lady with simply gorgeous hair that I would die for and I say that from memory... Carolyn, if it is any consolation to you and I do say if.... you will soon find another partner, I am sure of that and they could actually be someone you were fated to meet...

It's a strange place to be, on your own again that is, tell me about it, been there a few times, been on my own a few years now. The strange thing with me is that I am an eternal optimist and 'everything is gonna be ok kinda girl. Ye see, that's what gets me through such times straight after a break up and beyond, it's the thought that: hey, I can do what I want, when I wish.... and.... more importantly!!!!... I'm now gonna meet 'the one'....

Not so easy when ya reckon the one ya lost was 'the one'. My very first love was a bastard, whenever I think of him, but underneath all that there were good times too and I certainly cried when I quite literally ran away from him with pretty well nothing. Eventually I was over him, telling myself that I can now find 'the one'.... even though he was at that time 'the one'. He died a few years later, he was an alcoholic btw.

I will always respect the fact that you are introvert Carolyn, if you knew me you would fnd me rather talkative and kinda outside shell extrovert, but underneath all that, I am quite insecure and it's a shield I put up for all the horrid things I've put outside my optimistic mind over many decades.

Bless you honey, you will be fine, trust me. Close that door as soon as you can. Open the new one when you are ready....     You have many years of opportunity and happiness and contentment ahead... take each day as it comes, just for now, but realise that the best is yet to come.... best wishes with the labs surgery, again all will be fine, don't worry.

Celia xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Post  CarolynAH on Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:04 am

Thanks, I know that game you play. Liam wasn't some bastard. He is a kind and gentle person who was hurt deeply by people long before I met him. He sees what he did as freeing me because he can't be who he thinks I need right now. So he friend zoned me, and admittef that he has been wanting to do it for some time but didn't want to hurt me. In the end he did anyway and then offered to help me after my surgery. I was like what are you thinking? When I can't trust the person I love to at least try to not give up on us when things get hard what am I supposed to do? All I can do is say goodbye.

As to me, I am a fucking freak. I clung to Liam because every once in a while he showed real desire and I felt it. That was a damn drug little did I know but he clung because he saw himself as broken and was too afraid to speak his truth until it separated us. I don't expect to find or feel that again. People say bullshit things all the time with the sole intent to make you feel better, want something from you, or because they see so little value in themselves. Most days when I get a random compliment it doesn't feel genuine to me just the usual social mouth flapping like men asking me how tall I am, so I smile, respond politely, and move on.

So I am moving on literally, doing what I should have done two years ago. Put my kids first and move as close to the Trump land where they live as I can and not bother with people beyond the occasional conversation at the check out line or curious co-worker. I have friends saying they will visit and stay in touch but that's a boring untruth.

As to how I look, meh... Old, freakishly tall, and still the same stick as always but I guess girlish enough that my dysphoria is just at the level of annoying but not crippling.
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Post  MichaelaSJ on Tue Mar 19, 2019 6:24 am

If you choose Metzler in Phoenix, you may come across one of his nurse/PA Tasha Wright. I have worked several times with Tasha who gives me lidocaine injections when I use the VERY excellent Senza Pelo spa in Phoenix.

If anyone is looking for electrolysis for their beard/elsewhere, Senza Pelo, in Phoenix is a great place to visit for a week of painless (except when the lidocaine is injected) hair removal.

If you meet Tasha, say hello for me. She is very friendly.

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Tue Mar 19, 2019 12:03 pm

Regarding fake compliments, yeah, those really piss me off actually.

I live on Facebook, and I post a lot of images. I have friends, and they post a lot of images.

Some of us ARE fucking good looking. Most of us though are average looking. Some of us are NOT good looking in the shallow sense of the word.

My own appearance, it's complicated. Without a wig, only a fucking blind person thinks I look like a woman. With a wig and makeup, fuck ya, I look damn good. I don't look like my 57 years. It took a while, but, I put it to the test, and yes, I look mid-30s to most people. The only people that disagree, knew the prior person in this body, and just can't unsee him.

But I hate fake compliments. I don't need my fucking ego stroked that badly.
Frankly, I'd rather a person comment on my intellect. I'm a lot prouder of my mind than my body.
But we live in a superficial society.

My voice sounds male. And I don't make much of an effort to hide it.
My voice largely outs me as transgender.
The second they think you ain't their idea of female, they just ditch thinking of you as 'attractive'.
We are a judgmental species indeed.
I've seen men prefer to compliment a badly overweight cisgender female over me all because of transphobic bias.

Most transgender females ARE better than they give themselves credit for though.
We try harder, we attend to ourselves more, we DO in a lot of cases outshine cisgender women.
And I think it pisses off the cisgender, that we actually ARE good looking.
Because they hate us being attractive to them too often.
All of that trap nonsense.
I ain't trying to trap anyone. I often think most cisgender men are not good enough looking to want to have anything to do with them.
Get over it pal, I'm not trying to trap you, you never had a chance with me to begin with Smile

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Tue Mar 19, 2019 12:20 pm

Twas not a fake compliment though Lesley, I remember the pics, Carolyn's hair is beautiful.... take it or leave it, 'tis still true in my eyes, so I don't feel bad about giving the compliment and I'll not take it back. Very Happy

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Post  CarolynAH on Tue Mar 19, 2019 9:24 pm

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Post  Lesley Niyori on Tue Mar 19, 2019 9:29 pm

Hey dear, it's fairly well established, that I call it as I see it.

You look just fine. You seem to have a good feminine facial structure.

Good skin by the looks of things.

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:04 pm

Hey Carolyn!

I am sorry if I unfolded expectations that you feel you do not meet, truly. You do underestimate yourself greatly though and I think it is important that no person does that when it is probably untrue. I say it is probably untrue and you do not believe that because you included attractiveness in that, so it is probable with the other aspects to be that you have lots of great things about you, that you do not realise.

Living up to things? I don't even try, if I give something my best shot and it 'aint good enough, well, I gave it my best shot. Que sera sera. Life is good, around the corner coul d be the best thing that ever happened to me, I keep on carrying on...

Yes, Lesley I agree with all you say, and to add to that, (Carolyn, sorry), but surely also those beautiful curls.... simply gorgeous!!!! I am frickin' green....

But, I feel I kinda put ya in the spotlight at a difficult crossroad.... never my intention. I hope I can send my very best wishes for the 27th....

Celia xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Post  CarolynAH on Wed Mar 20, 2019 6:38 am

Part of my plan to distract myself from my surgical countdown.. I got a facial today... They demoed their makeup on me as well. In the end their skin care products were not bad and I bought a few but the makeup they put on me I ripped off the minute I got home. But I appreciated the ideas and all but but I prefer makeup to be nearly invisible and not a mask covering up everything but one has to try new things. I am such a tomboy I swear some days.

I just want this phase over.

Living with a new vagina notes:
You will use more toilet paper... get over it.
Controlling where you pee... hahah give up.
Giving a sample in one of those tiny cups... you will get wet.
UTIs.... it will happen... we all mess up at some point. Just remember you wouldn't want to track dirt from your back yard on to your front porch... so think what you are doing when you wipe.
Kagels and learning better bladder control or wear leak pads.
A girl needs room to breathe, so does her vagina.
Take your time getting to "toys" your body needs time to repair and toys can damage things way too easily in the beginning.
You have a lot of things to figure out so does your brain... relax...
Dilation sucks, pee before your start if you can and always keep your phone near somebody or something will need you the minute you get that rod up there.
Sensitive skin no perfume baby wipes for dilation clean up are a nice bed side item to have.
If you don't have a spray wand in your shower... get one. Worst case it feels good.
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Post  Lesley Niyori on Wed Mar 20, 2019 12:21 pm

Read your post. Considered quoting it, didn't see the need. Suffice it to say, yep, to your entire list, been there, done or said all of it Smile

Had my first UTI I think 3rd week after surgery. But healing is messy.
They tell us we can have sex within 3 months. Lesley and her mentor say 'bullshit', you wait 6 months if you are smart. You won't get anything out of sex until your clit wakes up at any rate. That takes about a year and a half. Penetration isn't sex to a girl, that becomes plainly obvious after a few months of daily dilation. Sex is a LOT more than having something slid up your vagina Smile

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Post  CarolynAH on Wed Mar 20, 2019 2:30 pm

Well, heal rate and sensation recovery vary from person to person. Most of my issues after two months was from a "skin tag" that developed at my vaginal opening. The net effect of which was constant weeping from it which kept things too moist only aided bacteria. And and penitration activity with blood. Not good for a girl's enjoyment of same.

I have not encountered phalluses of the fleshy variety yet nor do I want to. But I find even at barely five months there is a spot in there as well as most of the labia is sensitive. Though I have not orgasmed yet, but that has always been an issue foe because I often need someone or something to draw me out mentally first.

But yes I can see that some dude trying to get themselves off inside me without care and attention before and during is going to suck.

So additional items...
Penitration without foreplay will suck. You are a girl not a hole.
Learn about and invest in good water based lubricants
You will never be a "size queen" don't even try it's not a good idea. Go slowly with new things.
Unless you are already strongly drawn to men and have experience with them you might have some "virgin syndrome" hiding in you. Learning your body when you are ready to helps.
Cranberry juice by itself doesn't help prevent UTIs. D Manose can help prevent but it doesn't work miracles.
Nothing says girl like big ugly pads and/or a box of AZO at the checkout line. Bonus points for prenatal vitamins for... Your hair...
While it's tempting to buy and wear all the pretty underwear after. It's not a great idea until you get yourself healed and your act together down there.in the beginning simple easily cleaned stuff that holds a pad nicely is your friend.
You will learn to hate the sound of running water. Your angry bladder and urethra after surgery will use any excuse there for a bit. But it gets better.
Dream of vaginal sex with men... Learn to like pap smears and spectrums. If you are under 40 get vaccinated for HPV even if you don't get bottom surgery.
You will need a transgender aware gyno or supportive clinic that does "girl stuff". Sorry things happen the last thing you want is some ass making you feel like crap when all you need is help ASAP.
Prostrate issues in your family... Hormones help but the check is now through the front not the back and should still be done. Sorry.
Thankfully I have not had BV or a YI yet.. the general rule I hear... If it itches and smells a little get the cream from the drug store. If something died in there girl.. see a doctor and try to figure out how it happened. There are probiotics and herbals that help but that's prevention and after care not a cure There is a reason your bits need to breathe and why most girls are a bit careful with bathroom habits and cleanliness compared to guys.

If you are instructed to use silver nitrate matches to burn off an overgrowth....
Get help if you can... Really it's harder than it seems.
Have both the clean water and the saline at your side with qtips for the saline.
I found a baby rash cream like aquaphor is a decent protectant for the nearby areas that you want to keep from getting burnt. And really if you are doing this solo go wider than you think you need.
Clean and dry the area and get the "tag" standing up and away other things as much as you can.
Give the chemical time to burn and breathe before you wash the area with saline and remove the cream.
A towel you don't care about and wipes help. These things stain.. you will look really ugly down there for almost a week after but don't go trying to scrub it off the black is a silver compound that aids healing and keeps bacteria in check a little.
Clean after.. and use a aloe based lube for a bit there. It's a burn aloe is your friend. You will get gunk and some damage elsewhere that will come off slowly. Wipes before dilation is a good idea along with a douche after it's all healed and the staining is gone just to make sure you didn't push too much dead skin up inside yourself. BV is not your friend and it doesn't need help.
It might take multiple treatments if the tag is big but don't rush be sure to wait to be fully healed before you repeat treatment. And yes.. the burnt bit will likely go grey or white and fall off after a bit but don't force it.
CarolynAH
CarolynAH

Posts : 123
Join date : 2018-11-28
Location : Washington

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