Before we begin I would just like to say that, the title of this thread is really, really stupid. There was an actual title I was going to use, but I got yelled at and it deleted my memory. Maybe "testosterone trouble" would be a better name.
Basically negativity online gave me a testosterone boost, this was negative, especially because of that rod asshole. Testosterone is like, suckage. It makes me lose interest even in stereotypically masculine activities. It's just weird like that.
Basically I was playing a 3d game, and there was a really hot girl in the game, and the testosterone made me feel chaotic and confused. Its weird like a fragmented memory, of her, I don't know if its lust or love, it feels more like worship, not sure if I would rather be her, or have sex with her.
Even though its a virtual woman that's not real, its confusing all the same, I wouldn't know the first thing on how to court a woman as a man, that's what I mean by testosterone...sometimes it feels like I'm a little girl who happened to get pumped with testosterone...my brain has no idea what I'm supposed to be doing, like its overwhelming my circuits. I get these weird infatuations, I don't know how to process it or handle, like I want to worship a girl, yet feel awkward and wanting to get away at the same time...like a robot with conflicting directives, beginning to malfunction... I just want to escape my own body, like I can't look anyone in the eye. And its just super confusing and makes me feel like a mess, its hard to explain. And these fragmented lustful memories loop and cause me chaos and confusion, like a complete mess, like I can look but not touch, and it drives me absolutely insane. And I hate when authoritative types try to box me in and tell me I'm this, or I'm that, or trying to minimize my problems by telling me I should be thankful for my "male privilege", whatever that means, they are just more negative programs already adding more negativity to my chaotic and dark mind...