Not looking forward to Xmas.

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Post  Abby on Thu Dec 20, 2018 5:06 pm

This time last year, I was running scared. Told the wife that I was Trans and I wanted to transition etc. We pretend that everything was normal as we did not know if it would be our last Xmas together or not and wanted it good for the little one.

Fast forward 12months. Living, working and loving as my true self. Been on HRT, 8.5 months and everything is kinda working out. If a little complicated at times. Last night was a little example. Told the kid off, and had to use my "man voice" to get him to behave. Chatting later I said how I hated using the old voice. She responded that she liked my old voice, then realized what she said, we quickly changed topics. I was very disphoric yesterday evening, still am today if being honest.

So why not Xmas? Well the wife is taking the kid to the other side of the earth to visit her mother. (Who I have never meet or knows I am now Abby) so I am on my own for 10 days. Apart from the cats! We just couldn't afford for all of use to go.
Just feeling rather depressed really. Got my mum visiting for a couple of days after boxing day
But still, sad that I on my Tod. Even my old close friends in town are out for the holidays!
Just me, the cats and the Xbox with the new fallout game. Could be so much worse I guess.

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Post  MichaelaSJ on Thu Dec 20, 2018 5:12 pm

Abby, you will get through it. Trust me, you will get through it.

I told my family two Christmas days ago and it was not a warm day, but I and my family got through it.

PM me if you need someone to talk to, PLEASE. I will do a return a call if you need to save money.

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If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
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Post  Lesley Niyori on Thu Dec 20, 2018 8:27 pm

I can relate.

Here I sit, I've weathered the same storm, but it was 4 years ago for me.
It sucked, and it sucked a lot. And I'm not going to sugar coat it, it sucked.

My first Christmas after the separation was pure hell.

I was basically alone. For the first time.

This year is my fiance's first time after her own separation, and it is NOT going to be easy countering it.
It will be OUR first Christmas, but, she has a 9-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter, who get spoiled by grandparents. So D'arcy ends up feeling like she can't compete. And the damned grandparents are either fucking dense, or they just don't care.

The only thing I can say, is kids aren't dumb. If you do your part as a parent, they'll see it.
But there are no magic words to make it suck less than it will.
I'm fortunate to have D'arcy. Otherwise, I'd be packing to do the family visit in Ottawa for 5 days, and while I like going there, it was always a slap in the face that I no longer had my own family Christmas.


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Post  Abby on Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:03 pm

Thank you both for the kind qords. In the end it's only a few days. Just hate being on my own all day. She's been trying to get people to come and visit, (I felt I could not ask people (I will help people at a drop of a hat, but can't ask for my self), and I can't drive more than a hour due to back issues). She's worried that I will do something stupid, as my depression has gotten worse again. (Does every winter) and been getting dark thoughts again. If find epilating helps to distracte me when I get like that.

Still got lots to do. Been meaning to finish several projects such as my Indiana Jones idol just never got the time to do as my little monkey always wants to play. Which is not a bad thing.

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To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
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Post  Celia Eriksson on Fri Dec 21, 2018 12:27 am

Sorry Abby, only just picked this up. I am working this year, 24th, 25th, 26th and 27th two days then two nights.... and ya know what I am glad in a way. I'd be alone for most of it. All my friends go to their families too. I'd only see my Mother and my Brother's family for an hour or three.

But I am quite used to lonely Chritmases now, it is a very long time since I had a partner at Christmastime.

But I always look on the positive side. Think of this, have a 'me' time..... an Abby time! You can watch what you like, buy a nice Turkey crown and cook yourself nice stuff. Have bubbly baths, do those little jobs around the house that need doing. Go out on exciting walks. Snuggle down to a nice film you have never seen with a glass of wine. Have a Christmasssy doing all the stuff ya want at home.

Well, of course, I know it's not the same when there is nobody there, especially when it's like 'suddenly now' as it has been for you.

I would truly want to snuggle up to someone special at Christmas again, a very nice life partner next time, and I am certain one Christmas soon I will, with someone that loves me. 

Make the very best of it. Chin up girl! Only a few days!!!! I am sure we can both tell of this festive season as being not so bad, in the new year. Celia xx

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Post  Abby on Fri Dec 21, 2018 7:11 pm

Yeah only a few days calibrated Yule with fireworks and gifts! At least we exchanged before they go.
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Post  Abby on Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:07 am

Xmas was great, apart from having a very stess free holiday it has allowed me to properly rebond with my mum. Normally we get interrupted by my kid so, having a few days of just us and doing mother and daughter cloths shopping, teaching me to knit, has really helped. Not that it was bad beforehand.

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To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
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Post  Celia Eriksson on Thu Jan 03, 2019 1:12 pm

Hi Abby!

That is so nice to hear. I am pleased that you had a nice time and wish you the very best for this new year. Bonding time with your Mother is a very nice bonus too. May we all be able to report that we had a good year, this time next year!!!!

Celia xx

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Not looking forward to Xmas.  Mtm
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Mary Tyler Moore (1936-2017).
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Post  Abby on Fri Jan 25, 2019 7:24 am

Wow, the past month has been dramatic! My other half got I'll while visiting her mum and had to go to A&E to be able to fly. Basically exploding out of both ends. She did not tell mr the level at which she was ill. Apparently they advised her to stay in hospital but she did not want miss her flight and have to pay for a new one. Afew days after she got back I took her to the out of hours GP, who looked at her blood work and admitted her hospital straight away. Our local GP had missed that she was having kidney injury and a falling liver results. It was scary times as if we went to hospital 24h later she would not be here! Two weeks in hospital, 4 units of blood and having more antibiotics as she had fluid on her lung due to a hospital acquired infection.
I have never been so scared before, it's going to be along road to recovery. I am so grateful that my mum has been up to help with the kid.

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To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
Abby
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Post  Lesley Niyori on Fri Jan 25, 2019 3:29 pm

Wow, sad to hear all this has happened.

I've never been on a vacation and I'm always hearing they are sometimes not worth it.

Hope she recovers well.

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Post  Celia Eriksson on Fri Jan 25, 2019 6:59 pm

Hi Abby,

Such trauma is hard to take, thank heavens you went to a GP in the nick of time. GPs do miss stuff, sometimes, if ever in doubt always seek another opinion. I hope she is much better soon and bless your Mum that she is there to support.

Celia xx

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Not looking forward to Xmas.  Mtm
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Mary Tyler Moore (1936-2017).
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Post  Kaibeth on Sat Jan 26, 2019 7:42 am

Sending positive energies your way. Abby.

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Post  Abby on Sat Jan 26, 2019 5:44 pm

Thank you all. she is doing better just weak and tired easily. My mum had gone back home so it getting back to normal.
Totally drained by it all

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To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin

I am dyslexic, and normally use a smart phone to interact with the world. So the words written may not be the words intended to be used.
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