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Really tough choice please help

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Post  Kidagakash Fri Feb 12, 2021 5:34 am

Nobodies answered a lot of my posts lately, but i'm sure it was for good reason whatever it was. I really need some input to consider from others like me. I have missed my rehab group all week this week, and I had a long talk with my counselor and she said she thinks I am afraid to come back because I came out to the group, and not just to tell, a peer was complaining about having a trans counselor, and she specifically asked for a female and she considers her a man with a bunch of touch ups.... I thought if I told her I am trans she might get some kind of perspective but instead turned into an argument whether I was a real woman or not. To be honest, I hadnt considered it but I think she may be right. I talked to my other counselor from my second therapy group and she told me I was perfectly welcome to express myself. She asked if I wanted to be called with different pronouns, or a different name, explicitly told me I could come there as I am at home. I feel like I've already told people about it, so why not go a step further and break the distinction between indoors me and outdoors me. It's a rather large step, I think this is a pivotal point maybe, would I be wrong to stop pretending to be a guy in public?

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Post  Tara Fri Feb 12, 2021 2:49 pm

My short answer: no, you would not be wrong. It might not be easy the first time, but once you've done it, you'll know for sure if it feels right.

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~*~ Tara

"Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see." — Edgar A. Poe
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Post  Kidagakash Sat Feb 13, 2021 8:44 am

I appreciate your opinion, and I think I maybe already do know the answer. I'm just nervous, but way less than I used to be.

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Post  Celia Eriksson Sat Feb 13, 2021 12:29 pm

Hi honey,

Not knowing how you view your inner self, or how you are expressing your outer self as a transgender woman leaves little to advise upon in all cases like this, one's first expression to the world. For the advice could be viewed as unnecessary, contrary or even insulting to the person that asked for it. I always attempt to help a little, and I will always plant within such advice, 'I don't want to teach you how to suck eggs', or 'as you probably know'.

It is easier, when giving advice without insulting intelligence, to be broad about it and view my post as for all, so remember this post is not directed specifically for you Kidagakash.

Firstly, remember, you are doing this for betterment of yourself. Not not for anyone else. It must also be what you wish to become the norm, not a one-off, maybe once in a while or a now and then, so think carefully as to how you wish to present.  

Unless one is visiting a nightclub or having dinner at a swish restaurant, always, always, dress down, not up. One does not go to Walmart/Tesco in a mini skirt. Ok, that is an extreme examble, but.... fine tune that. Ask yourself a simple question, how do I fit in? How do I melt into my surroundings? The last thing you will want to do is to stand out and this means you may have to leave your favourite goodies in the closet. It may mean redesigning your look, dark slacks instead of that pink skirt, to take it to the extreme for understanding, but more like a parka instead of that bright red puff jacket or rather jeans and not those leggings, or maybe a t-shirt instead of that low cut top.

Dress your age, very important.

Look at women in the street, most dress quite ordinary. They are cis, yet the vast majority do not wish to stand out. Why would you wish to stand out? It can be achieved easily. I would say here, that if this is not what you wish to achieve, then you will find it more difficult to find acceptance unless you live your life upon a theatre stage.

I do not like the word 'outing'. But when it comes to it, the thing to remember is that it is not compulsory to make announcements or declarations, many people abhor such anyway. To some, an announcement is important, so be it.

Soon, presenting yourself as yourself becomes second nature. Winter is, as all cis women know, easier. Summer becomes a little difficult, but not insurmountable. Your wardrobe suddenly has no male clothes. The wardrobe then slowly brightens a little, from dark to light, but the goodies are kept at the back, only for those special times..

Celia xx

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Post  MichaelaSJ Sat Feb 13, 2021 8:16 pm

Kidagakash wrote:...I thought if I told her I am trans she might get some kind of perspective but instead turned into an argument whether I was a real woman or not.
We, as with many minorities, will forever be chased by the demons of bigotry. The best we can do is put up with it and move on.

I realize this may seem to be a defeatist attitude, but what is the alternative. Do we hide who we are because someone wants to address a 'real' woman and not what these bigots see as a pretender. We can never be female, in a biological sense, but we can be women and men who choose to be women and men, not because of what a chromosome gave us, but because of what we understand to be our lives.

Do not let the bigotry of some dictate where and how you lead your life.

Kidagakash wrote:...would I be wrong to stop pretending to be a guy in public?

How you live your life is how you live your life and only you can answer your question. For me, the pain, both figurative and actual, of having to hide who I was became so great I had to leave whatever comfort I had as a guy and acknowledge to everyone who I would interact with that I was Miki. The lifting of the weight of that pain by that acknowledgement was palpable and so welcome I still cry a bit when I look back 5 years to the time I let Miki out of her bonds.

Only you can decide to go out into the world as the woman you are, but most of us here who have stepped out are glad they did.

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"Disobedience in the eyes of any one who has read history is man's original virtue. "—Oscar Wilde.
If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it is all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag.
Fahrenheit 451
“lifelong atheist, not afraid of burning in hell,” Ron Reagan FFRF
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Post  Kidagakash Tue Mar 09, 2021 3:19 am

Hi! So here's what's up.I have been on hrt for about 2.5 months now. more changes then I had expected physically. I'm actually not depressed anymore when I look at my face in the mirror. infact I caught myself actually smiling a lot when I do now. Hips are starting to look feminine. My bust has also changed enough I can't really hide it with a tshirt anymore, which actually made me start to feel happy. at first I was embaressed in public at first but it only took a week or so to be just fine about it. I also have noticed a lot of changes in my thinking and feelings. That happened REALLY quick and I love it. I have had a constant mild brain fog feeling because of depression but its not there anymore. Emotions are stronger. All in all, Im feeling so much better and not really sad or frustrated like I used to since like... still being a kid. I'm VERY glad I chose to start this process. no regrets whatsoever. Happy =^_^=
(sorry posts so long. been dying to talk about this but dont know many people here.)

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