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defeating the over reaction

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defeating the over reaction Empty defeating the over reaction

Post  Lesley Niyori Sun Nov 14, 2021 6:56 pm

Posted this on my FB, then decided I wanted to share here too.

People tend to hate what's unfamiliar and new to them.
What is interesting, is this isn't an anti-cis rant or an anti-religion comment.
I didn't always have an issue with the religious. I used to be one.
I didn't even know the letters cis mattered 10 years ago.
It was new and unfamiliar to me. ME.
It is TRUE that religion and cis society don't understand me much.
But it is ALSO true, that a lot of the transgender community is often unskilled at understanding THEIR impact as well.
In my beginning, I was just plain confused.
I'm what? transgender? How?
I'm not male? Wrong body? What?
I had nooo idea that the LGBT world even existed.
Here in town, I knew of one gay person. That was it. If asked, I'd have said, "nah, there is really no LGBT community in town."
I experienced a period of about 2 years where frankly old me and new me (the actual ME in my opinion) were full-on trying to kill off each other. No, not suicide, we just felt the other had to go. I think I won. I'm unsure he ever existed. Initially, he thought she (ME) was some weird voice in his (mine) head.
It was a major turning point, where I was able to go "ok, I'm this transgender idea." I think that was late 2013. I can't remember.
He (the other part of me) got kinda suicidal when the ex asked to separate. He did NOT take it well. Made it very hard for me (actual me) to get anything done. He was miserable as hell, and the move to here sure wiped him out. It didn't help me either.
And then mom had to move and I (both of us) got the pleasure of doing it. Nothing worth mentioning was accomplished for 4 months. Moving twice will do that.
Then it was I guess like May, or thereabout, mom was moved, and I was so alone. Just me, and my thoughts (and his), first time in his existence. 4 walls, a lot of stuff, a nice enough little apartment, and so much silence.
I was able to get on hormones, and almost immediately it silenced him too. He tried to invade my thoughts a lot. He was only able to appear early morning when I was of minimal awareness.
His pride and joy stopped working. I was happy about that.
And then estrogen happened and wow, this shit is incredible.
And a sudden incredible urge to date men.
But the real thing was getting my real wardrobe, going full time, being genuine. There was no turning back. I turfed his clothes. Everything, brand new wonderful comfy winter socks, good leather jacket. It was his and I didn't want his stuff. Even gave away his totally massively cool belt buckle collection.
But it was not all roses.
That first step out the door dressed in MY clothes, I was terrified.
I was soooo self conscious. I looked like a joke, ugly.
And I was scared of everyone.
And my first hate comment happened.
And suddenly I couldn't walk down the street without hearing hate, seeing hate, feeling hate. It was everywhere.
I was positive.
The news made it clear they all hated me. Wanted me dead.
And I just accepted it.
Why not, I saw it online.
Everyone I met in transgender safe spaces had the same stories.
Family abandons you, friends ditch you. It's all so horrible.
I couldn't go anywhere and not see it as all so negative so ugly.
And this lasted 3 years, I think.
Because one day, I was out walking, and I realized, that voice in my head was gone. The one I was so used to seeing all the hate. He no longer bothered me with his input. "Those two people were laughing at you." I'm unsure when exactly he pissed off.
But I remained worried that 'he' was still in there. Him. The other me.
I woke the morning after GRS, and my first thought was "He's finally gone, and can't come back."
My negative opinions have eroded since 2017, to the point, I can't really put much passion into hating transphobia. Because I don't actually see it that much anymore. I'm not sure how much of it is really there.
This might bothersome. But I DO wonder, how much of transphobia is invented by ourselves? Are we about the same as say Christians? Seeing things that are not there? They see Satan everywhere. But he's not real. But they 'know' he is. He's still not real though. But they are just scared of what they don't know and understand.
And for several years, I didn't know squat about myself as well.
I go to the church, and I'm surrounded by total Christians, and they like me just fine. They don't really know what a transgender person is. They ask stupid questions. They have been told totally dumb shit. Can I blame them? How many transgender persons go to church to teach them anything else?
I can find all sorts of seemingly capable speakers in social media, transgender persons who have lived experience as transgender persons. But, often, too often, they are buying into their own counter transphobia bias.
Yes, there are indeed TERFs. The thing is, there's only 1 JKR (not spelling her name). They are not legion.
But are some of us, creating some of the transphobias, by overreacting to our fears? And then congregating among ourselves and making something out of nothing?
Are we actively seeking to teach, or just complaining amongst ourselves, to no gain?
That Dave guy says something dumb ass "Team TERF" and we lose our collective shit. Yes, it was a bad comment. It was made by an uninformed idiot. Has anyone actually tried to teach him anything. Not just yell at him, but actually tried to calmly explain to him how his phrase was not a wise use of words.
Is Dave really an enemy, or just an undereducated doofus.
A woman at church asked a really dumb question once. "Why would you want to be called queer?" She made an error on several levels. She assumed transgender = sexuality. She assumed I was queer because I was transgender. She assumed the word queer HAS to hurt those that are queer. It hasn't been a slur for decades.
They have the expression, "I'm queer and I'm here." They are not hiding it anymore.
But the woman was simply unaware of how weird her question sounded.
And she would never have discovered if I had not been there. An atheist, in her church, because I wanted to tell her. I'm an atheist. I'll partake of their sacrament. It means nothing to me. But it doesn't make me fake. It just makes me polite. I sit and listen to their service. I'll sing along like a friendly guest. The words don't mean anything to me. But I'm ok being polite. I'll drink coffee afterward, and eat a cookie or two. And I'll talk with them and answer questions if they ask politely. Yes, I have had surgery. No, I'm not gay. or lesbian. I'm demisexual. I'm only intimate with a person if I have a special intimate bond. I'm also Ace. I like sex, but I can take it or leave it. I'll pick dinner out over sex in most cases.
I have a LOT of cisgender friends. Who often have no clue what it is to be me. But they have never had to think about their gender. It's like white people not understanding white privilege. Because it seems only the not white feel the loss of it.
I don't hate them unless they are intentionally mean. Individual by individual.
There ARE well-known transphobic as hell members inside of the LGBT community. I don't actually need to look as far away as cisgender heterosexual Christians to find unyielding hate. I can find plenty of hate from atheist queer as hell cisgender lesbians who refuse to accept I'm the slightest bit female.
But it was my fault for 3 years, thinking "if you are not transgender and female, you hate me." That was all on me. I did that to myself.
Then one day, I had a problem with a local bookstore. I ended up in a newspaper article just saying who I was and what I was. And for like 3 YEARS people were always approaching me "I saw your article, it was great." Ordinary people. Cisgender people. Likely people who were older in their ways and went to church.
I was NOT surrounded by a mob of transphobic cis society.
You can bet your butt though, there are people out there that will think and say transphobic slurs. And those same people are just inherently nasty people. They likely slur the overweight, the not overly pretty, the rich, the poor. Anyone, not them.
I'm not going to slag off people if they haven't done anything to deserve that slag.
Sure, I can think of ways to be pissed off at people. Some for their politics. Usually, it's politics. Sometimes it's my whole damn species.
If you are new to your transgender experience, be VERY careful your first 4 years. If you are out, public, full time, on hormones and all of that.
Because i is VERY possible, you will need some time in, some experience, to see the world as it IS, as opposed to how it might just 'look'.
You will find your way in time.

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Hi, I'm the forum's resident brat
I find it important to point out I am indeed the first member here Smile
Lesley Niyori
Lesley Niyori

Posts : 995
Join date : 2018-05-18
Age : 59
Location : Lindsay Ontario Canada

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